


hopeless

by dabbingmosquito



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: A lot of cursing, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bisexual Character, Bisexuality, Coming Out, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gay, Happy Ending, Homophobia, Identity Issues, M/M, Pansexual Character, Projection, Self-Acceptance, Self-Discovery, Underage Drinking, changbin a fashion guru, felix is failing fashion so badly, poor fashion choices, skz with piercings and tattoos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-06-18 22:42:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 25
Words: 29,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15496323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dabbingmosquito/pseuds/dabbingmosquito
Summary: Felix has zero (0) fashion sense. He knows it, his friends know it, everybody knows it.Changbin is proclaimed a fashion guru by his friends.One day while Changbin was shopping he saw a gorgeous boy with the most awful clothing, so he decided to help.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> first few chapters are somewhat a crack so enjoy while it lasts uwu  
> 

He could never dress fashionably, no matter how hard he tried. His friends always teased him how he looked ridiculous, but honestly he couldn't care less. That is how Lee Felix expressed himself, even though he sometimes looked like a unicorn threw up on him, he was always satisfied with his style. However, his best friend, Jisung, couldn't disagree more.

''Felix, listen to me! Boy I ain't going out with you looking like a really unfashionable baby dressed you up. Like did you wake up today thinking '' _Hmm, I could wear the most hideous things in my closet today._ '' cause boy you had done it well!!''  Jisung complained.

''Actually, I just picked...'' Felix tried completing his sentence but unsuccessfully since Jisung interrupted him by putting his finger on Felix's lips.

''Shush my child. Let me dress you properly. I swear I feel sick looking at you like that.'' Jisung still complained while looking for some decent clothes for Felix so they can go out. Felix just sighed, he knew he couldn't argue with Jisung, nobody has ever won an argument against him. So he just waited patiently for him to find an appropriate attire so they can meet up with Chan, Woojin and Seungmin.

''Who would've thought that a cutie with silver hair, tattoos and piercings, fucking piercings could have a garbage what he calls _''clothes and closet''._ '' yelled Jisung from the closet.

Felix smirked before he answered his friend. ''Did you just call me a cutie, Han?'' 

'' Honestly, I don't even know how people find you attractive. Maybe they see how you have a pretty amazing friend who is stunning and are scared to talk to him aka me so they just go to you.'' said Jisung teasingly. 

''Ha! You wish Han Jisung, I bet if we weren't friends that you would try to hit on me in a cafe or something, trying to get a taste of Lee Felix.'' 

''I don't know a Lee Felix, I only know Lee Yongbok'' teased him Jisung, well-aware that Felix hates that name. After few minutes Han finally comes out with some clothes. He threw them at Felix who was still lying on the bed. ''Get the fuck up, Lix. I think I spent more time being in your closet than in my own. So, are you still going to wear that choker tonight?''

'' Ha-ha-ha such a delightful gay joke about closets and yes. You know how much i love something around my neck'' Felix giggled at his own joke.

'' Oh my god, I think my ears hurt from your sentence. Is everyone from Australia this kinky as you or is it just you? I can't wait for some sickos to approach us all night just because they are turned on by your choker. It's like they see Park Jimin with choker in you. I'm disgusted.'' complained Jisung, once again.

''Oh wow, my heart is aching now from this rudeness. Lemme dress up so we can finally leave, I don't want Woojin lecturing me again how bad it is to be late - he is sometimes worse than an actual mum.''

Felix adjusted his choker and looked at himself in the mirror. He couldn't believe how dazzling he looks in his clothes. After that thought he made his hair messy to complete his ''bad boy look'' he was going for today. Now he is truly ready to enjoy himself tonight, maybe even hook up with someone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbh i wrote this in april i dont remember anything but your favourite gays are going out

They made arrangements to meet at this new niche cafe that has recently opened. At day it was just an ordinary cafe, but at night there many parties hosted. This night though, it was a karaoke party. When he stepped in the cafe he could see the photos from the previous parties, puns and jokes written on walls and various art pieces hung around the place. 

Felix could only do one thing fashionably - he was always fashionably late. Jisung and him arrived about 45 later after the party had started so naturally there were already drunk people. Quickly enough they found Seungmin, Woojin and Chan. Seungmin was drinking a root beer, whereas Woojin was clinging onto the bottle of red wine and Chan on regular beer. 

'' Ooh, finally you decided to show up. I think I was grounded by Woojin for swearing!'' exclaimed Seungmin, relieved that he wasn't alone anymore with '' the parents''. 

'' Sorry, Min. We had a situation called Felix can't fucking dress himself properly part 54315. I swear I felt I was being suffocated from all the ugliness this boy has in his closet.'' Jisung sighed remembering that traumatic experience that had recently occurred. He asked Felix if he wanted the usual, so when he confirmed, Jisung went to the bar to order their drinks - he really needed it. He could've sworn he once had a nightmare where he had to clean Felix's wardrobe - he was disturbed the following days.

'' Here are the drinks. Lix, here is your martini as usual - I swear I wonder how you aren't gay. Anyways, for us fun people SEX ON THE BEACH.'' yelled Jisung, almost drinking the whole glass in one sip.

''Guuuysss, should weee sing a soooong??? It'd be so much fuuuuuuUUNN.'' as soon as Chan said that he clung around Felix's neck. With beer in one hand, he pulled Felix to the stage. After very careful consideration Chan picked his favourite song - 21st Century Girl by BTS.

Felix didn't even sing the song, he couldn't even get to the mic since Chan wouldn't let it go. So Felix did what everyone would do when their drunk friend is embarrassing themselves. He pulled out his phone and started recording him while busting a lung since he was laughing so hard. He was out of breath when Chan started jumping up and down when ''Ladies, put your hands up'' came up. 

He was enjoying himself so much that he decided to choose the next song. It was really difficult since his Korean wasn't really perfect, so he choose Baepsae. When the song started his squad joined him and started dancing. Everyone was basically drunk so everyone accompanied them by singing along. 

When he finished performing, girls were already approaching him, wooed by his deep voice. They were asking him for his number or social media. After he finished with the girls he quickly drank few more cocktails. ''Wow, next time I should just make business cards with my number and socials, this is exhausting...''

After manyyyy drinks Felix was getting closer with some guy - something Jin. He couldn't really remember since it was really foggy in his head. But one thing for sure, the boy sure was an amazing kisser.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just use imagine for the emojis bc im done with ao3

He was staring at his friend making out with some dude. He took out his phone and took a picture of them.

**ho(e)ly water  
**

**an aegyo hoe** : [picture delivered]

 **an aegyo hoe** : @minhoe look what you did to hwang

 **an aegyo hoe** : he is hoeing again

 **minhoe** : its not my fault,,, youre either born a hoe or you aint a hoe at all

 **an aegyo hoe** : i swer hes finding even more kinkier guys

 **an aegyo hoe** : dd guy is literally wearing choker im-

 **still not a hoe:** and yet you still havent found anyone

 **an aegyo hoe:** just cuz youre d yonngest doesnt mean i cant blck u

 **and aegyo hoe:** consdrr yourself BLOKD

_seen by all at 3:19_

_-  
_

Changbin woke up with an awful migraine, he shouldn't have drank that much last night. Now that he comes to think of it, what even happened last night? He just remembered this drunk dude leaving his soul and body while dancing to 21st Century Girl.

He unlocked his phone, maybe reading last night messages could trigger his memory. He kind of had a habit to send a lot of pictures when he's drunk. ''Oh god, I should probably throw away the whole phone when I go out. I can't even read what I wrote.'' thought Changbin while looking at the conversation. The pictures were so blurry and shaky he didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Why are there so many pictures of this guy flirting with him? What even is this picture showing? Changbin rotated the phone to see what the picture is actually showing. He instantly wished he didn't.

**ho(e)ly water  
**

**an aegyo hoe:** guyss did i really send you a pic of a guys giving me a bj?

 **an aegyo hoe** : pls just next time take my phone away for me

_still not a hoe reacted to your message [crying emoji]_

_minhoe reacted to your picture [heart eyes emoji]_

_minhoe reacted to you message [thumbs up]  
_

**an aegyo hoe** : can u fuckn stop reacting to my nudes??

 **minhoe** : not my fault u cant keep ur pants up 

**minhoe:** and phone away from ur dick 

**an aegyo hoe** : [imagine middle fingers bc ao3 is the dirtiest hoe and doesn't approve of emojis]

 **an aegyo hoe:** wheres hwang??

 **an aegyo hoe:** did he still not get up **  
**

**an aegyo hoe:** its 3pm

 **hwanghoe** : [picture sent]

 **hwanghoe** : i woke up in a bed with like 3 ppl

 **hwanghoe** : i think i just ran like a was on a marathon

 **hwanghoe** : i dont remember those ppl at all 

**still not a hoe:** how did you end up with 3 more ppl after that choker dude????

 **hwanghoe** : idk

 **hwanghoe** : i just remember making out w him

 **hwanghoe** : and him commenting how my tongue piercing makes him horny 

**minhoe** : really??

 **minhoe** : ur now falling for daddy issues and bdsm dudes

 **minhoe** : hes prob that type who says i only wear chokers

 **an aegyo hoe** : cause i like sth around my neck

 **minhoe** : yess binhoe gets it

 **hwanghoe:** i did not just get up to get roasted by you

 **hwanghoe** : fucc yall 

_minhoe reacted to hwanghoe's message [heart eyes]_

_any aegyo hoe reacted to hwanghoe's message [heart eyes]_

_still not a hoe reacted to hwanghoe's message [heart eyes]  
_


	4. Chapter 4

The pain. The headache. Why? Felix's head was pulsing with pain. Was it really necessary to drink that much. Not only his head, his whole body was aching. He must've danced like crazy because his legs are THROBING. He checks the time on his phone and sees about 600 messages in the groupchat. After reading all the messages which was the biggest mistake ever, he went to the bathroom. His neck and collarboneswere filled with hickeys. With what kind of beast was he yesterday? 

''Well, I guess it's ''bandana round my neck'' day or turtleneck. '' exhaled Felix. Checking if Jisung was still meeting with him for sober up coffee. He has put his earphones in his ears and played his playlist that he made, which consisted of relaxing songs. He calls it '' _You got drunk again, idiot_ '' playlist, he reckoned it got along well with his moods and thoughts.

''Are you never not late?'' Jisung asked frustrated that he had to wait 20 minutes for Felix.

''But first, what's up with that horrible bandana and where is your choker? Don't tell me you went from your emo phase to some gangster. My heart can't take it.''

''No...'' sighed Felix, '' That dude with whom I was yesterday, covered almost my whole neck with stupid hickeys.''

''Lord have mercy on me, that guy finally left your mouth alone. I was talking to drunk Woojin for half an hour and you were still making out. My lips felt your pain man. I just don't get why you spent so much time on giving your number to the girls if you ended up with a guy...''

''I told you already Jisung, I'm experimenting. I need to see how much or if I like girls at all. I wasn't planning on hooking up with the guy but his tongue piercing tho, ah I felt attacked.''

''So what happened at the end with that tongue guy after we left? I swear if you just led that poor bastard on.. You would be really cruel.''

''I don't remember everything, Han. But I do remember he went to get some drinks and he talked to someone. Later he returned saying I should come and hang out with his crew, but I don't think that they were that conscious. Don't really reckon anything serious happened. Don't know what happened later, I just remember waking up in my own apartment.''

-

few days later

**ho(e)ly water**

**minhoe** : @hwanghoe i just saw a pic of some girl i follow and saw you in the backround

**minhoe** : with how many people were you yesterday??

**hwanghoe** : umm can you stop giving me hwanghoe as a nickname??

**hwanghoe** : i already told u, i only remember making out with the choker mate 

**hwanghoe** : and waking up to those 3 ppl

_hwanghoe changed his name to ''an angel''_

**an aegyo hoe** : can 

**an aegyo hoe** : you

**an aegyo hoe** : stop

**an aegyo hoe** : spamming

**an aegyo hoe** : ????????

**still not a hoe** : who is spamming now?

**minhoe** : wow dude did you get up on your left leg?

_an aegyo hoe changed still not a hoe's nickname to ''in''_

**in** : did you seriously give me a fox emoji....

**in** : its still better than still not a hoe

**an aegyo hoe** : u know what

**an aegyo hoe** : you pissed me off _  
_

**an aegyo hoe** : i'm going to the stores

**minhoe** : byeee my fashionista 

**in** : byeee 

**an angel** : fashionista 

**an angel** : im done kjkjdsdkj

**an angel** : byeee


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was the first thing that popped into my mind when i thought about this story  
> also you can probably notice but i was a hardcore army when i wrote this

When he was sad he went to the stores. When he was angry he went to the stores. When he was disappointed he went to the stores. Many people eat or drink or do various things when they are overwhelmed, but Changbin always had the need to go to a mall or a store and look at clothes. He liked how a fabric can help you express yourself. Some days he would spend hours looking at clothes, he enjoyed look at it but not buying it. 

Today he was pissed at his friends so he went to his favourite clothes store ''3rd Eye''. Few years ago, when he entered puberty and was still confused about his identity and sexuality and was at loss of expressing himself he came across this newly opened store. Sceptically, he entered the shop since it looked it could go along his style, but every store looked like that and they didn't keep up with their presented image. After going around the 3rd Eye, he was what most people would describe ''at loss of words''. Unbeliebbuly, all of their items succeeded to capture his emotions on shirts, jumpers, jeans and any accessorizes. Since that day he was their regular customer. 

Today he was minding his own business as usual but when this pierced boy walked he was taken aback. How could this beautiful boy have such bad sense of fashion? He continued finding new clothes he would potentially buy but was intrigued by this boy. Cautiously, he would keep an eye on the boy to see what kind of ''style'' he's going for. However when he saw him taking the most hideous thing in the shop he had to intervene. 

Changbin swooped next to the boy and said '' No, no honey. Lemme show you da real thang. '' The boy was shook, he didn't know what was happening. Not having time to process what was occurring this stranger checked him out and gave him some new clothes.

''This should fit you. I don't know which style you dig so I just gave you some really cool shit. It varies from holo to dark. You have awesome features and it would be a waste of it if you wore totally unfashionable clothes.'' The boy tried to form a sentence which was weirdly challenging suddenly. ''T-t-thanks. I guess?''spilled out the confused boy.

'' You're welcome. It would really go well with you silver hair and your piercings. I mean you have a lobe, medusa and labre. Amazing. Don't get me wrong, you're not that bad. I really dig your turtleneck and sparkling vans. However you do need fixing up. Oh sorry, I need to go, but hopefully you will like the clothes. Byeee. '' Changbin said and left the store in a rush still relishing the boy's deep smooth voice.

Felix still didn't understand what had just happened. He stared at the stranger running out of the shop and then looking down on the clothes he was given. He couldn't wait to tell Jisung that someone else did his job - fixing Felix's apparently awful style. Surprisingly, Felix inspected the clothes thinking whether or not to buy them or not. ''You know what, fuck it. I'm going to buy them and a new choker since I'm still Lee motherfucking Felix.'' he reckoned.

He unlocked his phone and opened the group chat he had with the boys.

**english speaku**

**buzz buzz** : ppl

 **buzz buzz** : im -

 **buzz buzz** : [I'm shooketh gif]

 **buzz buzz** : i was in a store and this random ass dude just came up to me and said

 **buzz buzz** : that my style sucked and gave me clothes

 **buzz buzz** : im speechless

 **rude boy** : yessssss

 **rude boy** : finally someone else has spoken

 **rude boy** : maybe you'll believe me when i say that your clothes suck

 **mum** : Stop being rude to Felix. He just has his own particular style. Don't bully him.

 **the devil** : im dying lmao

 **the devil** : imagine having such bad clothes that strangers need to give you advice

 **the devil** : omg im crying i cant 

**buzz buzz** : fuck you too

 **rude boy** : he was doing god's work because i was unable to help you

 **byung** : why are you always talking about felix's clothes god

 **byung** : you know what, im trying to work here so when you're finished dissing his outfit add me back

_byung left the group chat_

**buzz buzz** : but guys he said he liked my turtleneck and my vans

 **buzz buzz** : so stop torturing me, im not that bad

 **rude boy** : if you say so 

**the devil** : i still havent recovered, i swear my stomach hurts from laughing 

**the devil** : can people die of laughter???

 **mum** : Felix, you're doing amazing sweety. Don't listen to them.

 **buzz buzz** : why you gotta be so rude?? don't you know im human too

_rude boy added Bang Chan to the group chat_

_rude boy changed Bang Chan's name to byung_

**rude boy** : felix said that the dude complimented his turtleneck and sneakers 

**rude boy** : im ded i cant

 **rude boy** : **@byung hyung** did you see what kind of lies that man is spreading

 **buzz buzz** : he also said that it's a shame my beautiful features are wasted on dreadful choice of attire 

**buzz buzz** : i dont know if i should be offended or not??

 **the devil** : he is just trying to be nice don't believe him

 **byung** : ok this made my day

 **the devil** : **@buzz buzz** why the fuck you lyin

 **rude boy** : why you always lyin

 **the devil: @rude boy** im weak

 **buzz buzz** : rude


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> changbin is so whipped i died

''Did I really do this? I actually came up to somebody and high-key insulted him and gave him new clothes.'' blabbered Changbin to himself. His clothes were horrible so he guessed he did him a favour. However, he knew deep down he just wanted to talk to the stranger but was scared. Changbin's appearance led people to think that he is an open and scary person, but anybody who knew him could tell you that he is a softie. For god's sake he had a plushie with which he would cuddle at night when he felt lonely or just when he felt anything in general. His friends like to make fun of him because he slays at aegyo and making anyone soft, but claimed at the beginning of their friendship that he loves dark. 

Changbin went to Jeongin's school so they could go to the cafe afterwards. They did that every day and sometimes Hyunjin joined them before school when he didn't have the first class. However, Minho could rarely join them because he had a tough schedule with his college and dance classes. 

Changbin arrived at the school, he had 10 minutes before Jeongin's classes ended. After 5 minutes he heard chatter and giggles. It seems Jeongin's class was dismissed few minutes earlier. Changbin saw Yang waving at him while talking to his friends.

''See you tomorrow guys. Hi Binnie hyung, are you ready to go?'' asked Jeongin cheerily when he took Changbin's hand so they could go together arm in arm. '' I really hate Wednesdays, I don't have the first class but have to stay an 8th one. You finish at 12:45 and me at 14:15. I just had chemistry, I thought I would have fallen asleep if the teacher hadn't said that she had some business to attend to so she let us 5 minutes earlier. On a happier note, how was your day Binnie hyung?''

''Nothing special happened at school, the usual. Hyunjin called me at every fucking break to cry how he wants to drop out because he can't study anymore. I don't blame him tho, junior year is really difficult. But listen to this, after school I was pissed at you guys so I went to my shop. I was just minding my business as usual, I mean you know me and there was this guy...''

''Oooohh, Binnie hyung, a guy! Was he cute?'' excited Jeongin asked because Changbin rarely talked about guys he didn't hook up with.

''I was about to tell you, but you interrupted me, gosh. So, as I was saying, there was this guy. He was so fucking hot. I was confused actually, one second he looked like a baby and the next one he was so hot. I swear if he asked me to strip and hump the mannequin at the store I would do it without hesitation.''

Jeongin started screaming on the street and clapping cutely like he always did. 

'' I'm sorry hyung, please continue. I wish I didn't have two extra classes so I could've seen him though. Why didn't you take a picture of him? You send us the most bizzare and boring shit in the group like that blowjob you received the other night or a random pigeon on your bus station.''

'' Language, you're like 5 so stop cussing. Also, stop complaining I would like to get to the point of the story and to finish it. So, he came into the store and he had like most random shit on himself. He would be that popular guy in school but had no idea how to dress himself fashionably. He had some yellow coat, black turtleneck, pants like pants not like jeans, sparkling vans and long ass socks with mosquitoes on them. It didn't go along with his make up at all. YES! HE HAD MAKE UP. ''

''Hyung, you really couldn't take a fucking. picture. of. a. dude. wearing. make.up. I can't fucking believe you. You know how much I love when guys wear make up too.''

''I'm sorry In, I was surprised when I saw that thing what he calls clothes. Next time, IF I see him which is highly doubtable because I insulted his fashion and I just threw some clothes on him. I blabbered like a crazy person and ran out of the store so I don't know if he had bought any of the items. For his make up though, he had like a pink eyeshadow and a bits of an eyeliner. Just imagine that mess, his make up and fluffy silver hair, piercings above and under his lips and his ears.''

'' That description sounds so familiar, I think I might have seen a dude similar to that on instagram. He also had piercings and fluffy silver hair. Too bad I didn't remember his username. But you're right he does sound like a mess.''

'' And the best part is that I scared him that much that he barely made a whole sentence. AND HIS VOICE.'' said Changbin. He opened the door of the cafe and continued to talk about the stranger. '' His voice was so deep, it doesn't make sense. It's like a demon possessed a human with baby face. I swear he is around our age and he didn't have any facial hair. No. Facial. Hair.''

'' Are you sure you don't a crush on this guy? I know you said you barely like any guys but this is how Hyunjin talks about any guy he ever sees. We usually walk to the cafe for 20 minutes and you talked about him all the way til here.''

'' Noooo. I don't have a crush on him. I know I'm bi, but still...'' Changbin started thinking about that idea, but shook his head. He didn't have a crush on some random dude in a store. No way. 

Jeongin went to the bar to order one unicorn milkshake for himself and a tornado shake for his hyung. Changbin was sitting at their usual booth. They were so frequent at this cafe that almost everyone knew that the booth is taken. He went to get Cards Against Humanity - his favourite. When they came to cafe after school one day they would play Uno - Jeongin's favourite and one day CAH. When he came back, a little group of boys came in.

''I called Felix to ask him if he's coming. He said he's still shook about what happened today. He is so dramatic sometimes, I swear.'' practically yelled one boy. The other guy said ''Poor us, we won't have Yongbok with us today. My heart is broken.'' and he started faked crying. Changbin thought that the stranger was constipated not fake crying, but suddenly Jeongin came with their drinks. ''Whatcha staring at Binnie?'' asked Jeongin gingerly. 

''Sorry In, I was occupied with this group. One of them is so loud I could barely hear myself think.'' Changbin took a sip of his drink. So refreshing and yet so dark, to reflect his inner darkness he had. He heard Jeongin had asked him a question but he totally zoned out. ''Hello, Earth calls Changbin hyung. Hellooooooo???'' Jeongin waved in front of Changbin's eyes. He finally snaped out of the trans he was in. ''Sorry In, what were you saying?''

'' I asked you if you talked to Minho today. I haven't heard anything from him for two days.''

''I think he has an exam tomorrow, he really needs an A so he can remain on the budget.''

They started playing Cards Against Humanity, but all Changbin could focus was on that group. Until he thought he saw someone.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> homophobia ahead ew

Seo Changbin was speechless. He didn't want to believe that it's true. His eyes must be seeing this wrong. He's hallucinating, he must be. A girl entered the cafe. She looked at Changbin with disgust. She then turned around to say something inaudible and they went to sit as far as possible from Changbin.

''Are you okay dude? You're suddenly really pale.  Who is that girl and why is she grossed out by your presence?'' asked Jeongin curiously almost choking Changbin with his questions.

'' No, no. I'm fine. I just haven't seen her in a really long time. That's my ex-girlfriend.'' said Changbin but barely. He was choking on his spit but at the same time his throat was as dry as his love life or clothes of that random dude in the shop.

''What? Y-you had an ex-girlGIRLFRIEND?? How? When? Why? And why was I never told???''

'' It was 2 years ago, I think. I was a sophomore and we dated for like a year until...''

''Until?? What happened, Seo Changbin hyung I need answers.'' demanded Jeongin.

''Until she found me making out with her brother. On our one year anniversary. She kicked me out, called me a faggot and outed me to the whole school. And her brother was apparently sent to some kind of church cult or something like that. To treat him of his homosexuality.''

''Oh, shit hyung. I'm so sorry, I had no idea. Is that how you met Hwang and Minho? They wanted to help you because you were queer and were mocked at school?''

''Yes.'' Changbin spat while his eyes were overwhelmed by warm, salty tears.

''I'm so glad that they helped you, that must've been traumatizing. She's such a bitch. Don't worry if she starts something she better catch this hands.'' Jeongin started waving with his harmless thin arms.

''What's worse In,  her brother was my first gay kiss. I didn't have any feelings for him, he just approached me and kissed me. And I just stood there, not going in, but not stepping out. It felt so right at the moment, when he stopped I immediately went towards him and we made out. After that, my attraction to guys that I might've had has decreased a lot.'' Changbin started crying. He wiped away his tears. Jeongin went to give him hug but Changbin pushed him away. He excused himself and went to the toilet.

He rushed to the bathroom, went to the nearest free stall. Puke started going from his stomach through his throat, out of his mouth. He felt just the right amount of bitterness everywhere, just boiling inside of him. Fast, he flushed the toilet. He sat next to it and started balling his eyes out. He heard someone enter the restroom.

''Changbin hyung, in which stall are you? I think pretty much the whole cafe can hear you crying. Come on, I just want to help you.''

Changbin opens the stall and exits, he goes up to the sink to wash away his tears and to rinse his mouth from the vomit. He apologized to Jeongin for storming out like that.

''You don't have to worry, I get it. It must've been difficult for you to go through that. I hope you don't mind but I texted Minho and Hyunjin. They said they'll be here in 10.''

'' You needn't do that. Wait, Hyunjin will come in 10? But he's supposed to be in school. Did you tell him I had a freaking mental breakdown, because you know he wouldn't risk skipping classes?''

''Let's go back and wait for them. It kinda stinks in here from your vomiting. It's disgusting.'' Jeongin grabbed Bin's hand and walked him to their booth. When they came back they saw Minho and Hyunjin.

'' We just saw the bitch leave. She wouldn't even look at us... For fuck's sake.'' Minho said. However, Hyunjin asked Changbin if he was okay. He nodded his head, but Hyunjin didn't believe him. Nobody did.

''Sorry to break this extremely emotional moment, but can we cheer up our friend?'' Jeongin queried his hyungs. ''Yeah, sure. Let's play Cards Against Humanity and get him another tornado milkshake.'' said Minho.

''We can play, but Hyunjin you better run to that school or I'll kick your skinny ass to it! Why did you skip your class?''

''Chill, Binnie... I had a test and I finished it in like 5 minutes. I have like 30 minutes left until next class.''

While they were preparing for the game, Changbin went to order another milkshake for himself with a bit of alcohol. He really needed it. On his way there he ran into somebody. ''Fuck.'' exclaimed Changbin. '' Be careful next time mate. You were lucky I was carrying anything hot.'' said the tall dude. Changbin recognized him, he's in the loud group. ''Yeah, whatever.''

-

Felix was spammed. His phone was buzzing every second.

**english speaku**

**rude boy** : felix

 **rude boy** : felix

 **rude boy** : felix

 **rude boy** : felix

 **rude boy** : felix

 **rude boy** : felix

 **rude boy** : felix

 **rude boy** : felix

 **rude boy** : f

 **rude boy** : e

 **rude boy** : l

 **rude boy** : i

 **rude boy** : x

 **rude boy** : l

 **rude boy** :e

 **rude boy** : e

 **rude boy** : lee yongbok

 **rude boy** : answer

 **rude boy** : come @ the cafe

 **the devil** : omg lix just come he is killing us

 **the devil** : he needs you

 **the devi** **l** : i'm gonna murder you in your self if you don't show up

 **byung** : felix, there are even some cute guys in here

 **mum** : What are you talking about?

 **byung** : just come felix, jisung is really boring

 **mum** : Felix didn't go with you either? That's weird.

 **buzz buzz** : omg youre soooo annoying

 **buzz buzz** : rlly you cant go an hour without me?

 **buzz buzz** : i think my phone turned into a vibrator because of you

 **buzz buzz** : ill be here in 15

_sent at 15:03_

**the devil** : anndddd the cute guys left

 **byung** : way to go felix

 **rude boy** : they were the real visuals and you missed it

 **mum** : Did someone say visuals?

 **rude boy** : way to go

 **mum** : Shall we all go out tomorrow at the same time? I finished my exams and orals.

 **buzz buzz** : you do know im not gay??? right??

 **buzz buzz** : yeah sure why not **@mum**

 **the devil** : nooo im gay

 **the devil** : dafuq are you making out with guys then??

 **buzz buzz** : i was drunk okay...

 **buzz buzz** : and you know how i am when im drunk

 **rude boy** : yeah we do...

 **rude boy** : im still traumatized from your thrusts..

 **byung** : my butt is still scared around you

 **mum** : My thighs haven't recovered...

 **the devil** : and i can still feel your panting on my neck...

 **buzz buzz** : finee..

 **buzz buzz** : i get it

Felix comes in, already hearing his friends' cheers.

''Hey, hey, hey. I heard that you missed me. I felt bad so I came.''

''Sit down, we already ordered your favourite.'' said Jisung.

'' Guys, I think I saw the guy from store. He was chasing someone while his friends were laughing. I was honestly scared he would throw more clothes on me if he saw me.''

''Wow, he sounds so violent..'' replied Seungmin sarcastically. Seungmin hugged Chan in fear, he started shaking. ''Hyung, will you promise me that you will protect me from that lunatic. I'm scared for my life, what if he showers me with clothes. I might die.''

''Hyung, protect me too, what if he sees me with Felix and tries to attack me too. I'm too young and pretty to die.'' Jisung hugged Chan too.

Chan started laughing because of these two, while Felix was not amused. At all.

''Really funny, how original. You weren't there when it happened.''

''Felix?'' asked Jisung, ''Are you wearing new clothes? No way, you are.'' Felix tried to hide his embarrassment. ''Noooo, I had this clothes for some time, you just haven't noticed.''

''Liarrr, you actually bought the clothes, I can't.'' cried Seungmin from laughter.

''I didn't come here to be mocked you fucks.''

''Help me, Jesus Christ.'' said Chan.

_Felix dabbed._


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> your imagination for emojis better start working they text like local cis het bois

He enjoyed hanging out with his friends so much that he eventually forgot what happened to him today. Actually he was out the whole day. He came back home somewhere around midnight which meant that he hadn't done any school work and he hoped he wasn't recorded as absent today. He really doesn't want to explain to his class teacher why he wasn't at school. So when he came back home he had to make sure what was needed to be done for tomorrow. He did the usual - spammed everyone in his class group chat. Of course he got insulted by the biggest nerds and left on seen by the those who slept or skipped classes. Thank god for his good looks and choker of course so some girls were soft and shared what's for tomorrow or even better - solutions for the homework. Naturally, he had to show his gratitude so he sent them some hearts and kisses. Enough for them. He usually wasn't this kind of playboy, but his class annoyed him so much. Everyone was so stuck up, nobody had any fun. Jisung, one of his best friends, unfortunately wasn't in his class... They didn't even have the same teachers so they can share some homework or test information - tragic. 

He stayed up until 3am doing homework, who knew you could miss so much if you skip seven classes. However, he couldn't sleep so he went to see if his friends were online.

**english speaku**

**buzz buzz** : henlo anyone awake?

**byung** : nope

**buzz buzz** : rude

**byung** : im trying to work sooo

**buzz buzz** : you mean you still haven't produced a song for you class

**buzz buzz** : like mate stop procrastinating 

**byung** : omg that is A M A Z I N G

**byung** : im gonna use this in my song

**byung** : tnx

**rude boy** : did you finally catch up with your work jikseu?

**buzz buzz** : how did you know :O

**rude boy** : this girl from your class slid into my dms

**rude boy** : and we talked for a bit, i asked her whats going and she started rambling about you

**rude boy** : you sure are a piece of shit towards your class

**the devil** : he is tho

**buzz buzz** : does she know that we are best friends? 

**buzz buzz** : wait. does she even know that youre gay? like no feelings or attraction towards opposite gender?

**rude boy** : ummmmm no?

**buzz buzz** : for fucks sake stop leading her on

**the devil** : send the screenshots i wanna laugh

**buzz buzz** : and then im the asshole....

**mum** : Why aren't you sleeping? It's half past 3.

**the devil** : why arent YOU sleeping then??

**mum** : I'm going for my morning jog. I have to stay healthy.

**byung** : kjjkjkjd it's fucking 3.35am

**rude boy** : and you call that morning jog

**buzz buzz** : woojin out there wildin

**mum** : Go to sleep, you all have school tomorrow. Don't make me call your parents!

**buzz buzz** : soo scared

**rude boy** : i just peed my pants 

**the devil** : whos awake. not me, no sir [sleeping emojis]

**rude boy** : im counting sheep [sheep emoji]

_seen by all at 3:59_

Felix was bored so he went on instagram and he looked at his explore pages. Perhaps he could find some new memes or something. He was speechless how internet was so uninteresting in 4am. So he started looking at random accounts, until he came across some sophmore's account. He had some really good pics, aesthetically pleasing and also he managed to make pictures with his friends artsy. It looks like he went to the school near the cafe. Felix almost accidentally followed the boy. ''Phew, that was close. Maybe I should go back to sleep.'' But before he did he screenshotted the profile, so he could look at it later that day.

-

When the actual fuck did he set his alarm at 7am? Felix thought while trying to stop his alarm from destroying his ear drums. When he finally finds it, he is woken up completely, even if he wants to go back to sleep, he couldn't. He gets up and goes to bathroom to do his business and the usual. After he finishes he drags himself to his bed. It's too early for him to function properly or to do anything productive like having a breakfast. So he goes on his socials to see if something happened. After looking at new memes and edits from fan accounts, he decides to post a rant selca. Felix just opens his front camera snaps a photo and posts in on all of his socials complaining about his dark circles. Minute hasn't even passed he already received messages from girls how he looks beautiful, hot, angelic, perfect etc. His account was one of those where you came across on your explore page. He was always tagged on photos from tattoo shops, piercing pages... That gave him like 10k followers. But that didn't matter to him, it was just a number of people who were dissatisfied with themselves or girls who were whipped on him. Suddenly he remember the profile he checked in the morning. He searched it up again. Unexpectedly though he saw some pictures from the cafe. He had to zoom in on some photos just to check. Those were the guys he saw yesterday, but the scary fashion guru wasn't in it. So Felix checked the caption and the comments. 

The caption literally said '' _Binnie hyung is missing. He's in the toilet getting a bj. At least that's what it looks like in the pic he sent us. [eggplant and water bc we thirsty uwu]_ '' 

Then Felix looked at the comments, it seems like this crew is even crazier than his.

**spearb** : fucc off will you [middle finger]

**leekno** : when hoe is life, but we cute thoo

**hwangh** : we out there slayin [sparkle]

**foxyin01** : @spearb i luv u hyung

**spearb** : luv u too fennec fox 

Felix clicked on spearb's profile and

it was private. Of course. ''What's the point of locking your profile if you have 800 followers??'' Felix asked himself. ''Should I follow him or is that too weird? He might not even accept the request. On the second thought he might diss my style again, so pass.'' However that doesn't mean he won't stalk his friends and... Their profiles are locked too. 

'' I can't deal with this on an empty stomach...'' so he gets up and makes himself some sandwiches.

**english speaku**

**buzz buzz** : guyss are free rn?

**rude boy** : depends

**buzz buzz** : my alarm woke me up after like barely 3 hours of sleep which means i need some caffeine 

**rude boy** : oh i know what you mean but i have plans already

**buzz buzz** : k

**buzz buzz** : anybody else?

**rude boy** : felix it's 8am you should know better that everyone is sleeping

**buzz buzz** : [fine gif]

Felix was getting ready for school because he planned to spent his whole morning in the cafe, filling himself with coffee and milkshakes. He wore a combination Bin? gave him if that's even the name of that dude or if he's even the dude. He didn't even have his own photo for the profile. Nevermind, he took a photo for his story. Showing off his loose grey pants, black shirt,  sparkling purple choker which made him look like a present  with its bowtie, black shoes and purple coat. His hair was still silver, but the roots were visible and his eye make up were on point. ''Too bad Jisung isn't here to see that I can be fashionable sometimes.'' He posted the photo with the caption '' _getting that caffeine before school_ [coffee emoji]''

He was walking to the cafe which was like near to the city center but still an hour away from Felix's apartment. When he was near enough he could see something which never crossed his mind. Of course they would be there... they were at the fucking party at this cafe, why wouldn't they go here the other times. Felix was happy but a bit, he could study them from afar but not in like creepy way. He's just minding his business, but he has to avoid any eye contact with the guru. He can't go through that again.

Felix got in the cafe, walking to the bar as cool as he could, he didn't want to draw any attention. Except that his whole appearance draw attention but that's not the point. When he got to the barista he ordered a big coffee with milk and sugar, he didn't like his coffee bitter and dark, it made him sad. He found himself a place where he could sit comfortably. He drank his coffee slowly so he could feel the caffeine waking up his organs by flowing through his veins. 

**english speaku**

**buzz buzz** : my dudes

**the devil** : what the fuck do you want

**buzz buzz** : listen to this

**the devil** : listening

**buzz buzz** : you know that i told you about that dude who threw clothes on me, well his buddies are literally 3 tables away from me

**buzz buzz** : same buddies that he was with yesterday

**rude boy** : omg im coming this instant fuck this boring bitch

**rude boy** : i have to meet him and say my thanks 

**buzz buzz** : pls don't im begging you

**the devil** : the tea, im coming in like 20 min don't you dare go away

**rude boy** : same like see you in 20

**byung** : what is haPPENING

**mum** : Perfect, so we can all go to that coffee we agreed to yesterday.

**byung** : count me in, i havent slept for a day and I NEED COFFEE

**buzz buzz** : im gonna kms in the meantime 

**buzz buzz** : rip Lee Felix (15.09.2000 - 08.04.2018.)

**rude boy** : dont you mean Lee Yongbok??

**buzz buzz** : rip Han Jisung (14.09.2000 - 08.04.2018.)

**the devil** : may you rest in peace

**mum** : Rest in peace

**byung** : rip you won't be missed


	9. Chapter 9

Everyone stared at him. Changbin himself was in awe. He looked even more stunning than the other day. How was that even possible?? He watched him casually go to the bar to order his drink. Wait, is he wearing a bowtie to make himself look like a present? He really was extra...

Changbin pretented not noticing him even though he was staring at him like Hyunjin, Minho and Jeongin did... But nobody said something until

''He is so hot what the actual fuck?'' whispered Huynjin but it seemed like the whole cafe could hear him. Of course Hyunjin and Minho, being like the paparazzi they are, they needed to sneak some photos of him.

''What? Why does he look so familiar? I swear I've seen him somewhere before.'' Jeongin hadn't said that to the guys it was more like thinking out loud. However, Changbin was thinking whether he should tell them that he is that guy he had thrown clothes on.

''Changbin hyung, didn't you mention some guy you saw with a fluffy silver hair, piercings and like coolish looks who also wore make up? Oh my god is he that dude. Please Changbinnie hyung tell us!'' begged Jeongin, making puppy eyes to persuade Changbin into spilling some tea.

''WHAT?!?!?'' loudly whispered Minho and Hyunjin at the same time. ''So Changbin is it him or not? We need answers!'' whispered Minho aggressively at the younger. They were all staring at him awaiting to answer their questions. He was going to answer but then the handsome boy turned around and sat three tables away from them. They were _trying_ , to act natural. Jeongin and Minho looked at the boy because they were sitting just at the right angle so it wouldn't look like they were trying to spy on him. They all noticed he had a huge cup. However, they also noticed how his phone was always buzzing, constantly filling with new notifications.

''Wow, that guy is hella popular.'' said Jeongin.

'' You don't say. I mean if I were him I would also get thousands and thousands of messages.'' Changbin didn't know at the time, but he wasn't wrong. The boy was getting that many messages. He was kinda happy to see that the boys forgot about their previous questions.

''Okay, I need to see his socials. Any idea on how to find out, but not ask him? I'm open to suggestions.'' exclaimed Minho. They were all thinking of way to gain this information except Changbin. He was, you could say, sad? He noticed him first. He talked to him first. Well, not really talk because the boy didn't even say two sentences to Changbin, but still. But, honestly, Changbin was interested too. He wanted to see how this guy represented himself on the Internet. When suddenly, all of them were startled when they heard a sudden deep noise.

''Jisung hyunggggg, pleaseee hurry up. I'm lonelyyyy, give me some love. Eww, stop penting you piece of shit. Save that for you hook ups. You know what, forget it. I'll give all of my love to Chan hyung, he is the only one who respects me as a person. He loves me for my personality, not just for my looks, like you. Ohh, I'm heart broken. Pleaseeee hurryyyy up, I need another round of coffee.'' They couldn't believe that deep sound came out of that baby? Even with his wannabe bad boy look he looked like a baby. He hung up and looked at them. Unexpectedly he smiled and waved at them. They just turned around at such speed except Jeongin. He smiled with his charming child-like smile and waved back.

''Why the fuck would you do that?'' asked Hyunjin. Now he definitely know that we were staring. ''Well he waved because he saw us staring... So what's the point in hiding?'' Jeongin asked innocently.

-

It may be a crazy idea, but fuck it. He's going to do it. Felix got up and went to the table where the groups of extremely bad spectators. He approached them with the best looking caring smile.

''I'm sorry if I'm bothering you, but can I sit with you until my friends come?''

''Umm, yea yea.'' ''Sure, sure.'' ''Yes, here I'll move. Sit here.'' It all sounded like loud murmurs.

He carefully took his coat and sat next to the boy who waved at him, also the boy he stalked yesterday. What a coincidence.

''So, I guess I should introduce myself. I came to you first after all.'' Felix chuckled a little.

''Hi! I'm Felix. How are today on this magnificent day? Is life treating you well?'' It seems like the most sociable person in this group is that fox looking boy.

''Hi Felix hyung? I'm Jeongin.'' He then proceeded to introduce his friends. He pointed at the guy with the fuller lips and dashing looks. He was Hyunjin. Then his fashion guru, Changbin.  When he looked at him he was blushing and Felix could too, feel the heat coming up to his cheeks. It seems that Felix was right all along, Changbin was _the Bin hyung_ from the caption.  Next to Changbin was Minho. Minho looked familiar somehow, it was probably that he saw him on some of Jeongin's other photos.

Hyunjin asked him what is his Korean name, Felix was obviously overseas name. ''I'd rather not say, it's ridiculous and I hate it. So just call me Felix, please.'' ''Okay, so how did you get your name Felix since it's not Korean?'' asked Changbin. He seemed so different than the other day. He looked so open and cheerful, while now he looks like an emo boy. '' I was born in Australia and lived there until I moved here last year I reckon. The time flies so fast, I don't even know anymore.'' His phone started buzzing like crazy again. It was damn notifications for likes, comments and dms... He turned off the internet. ''Excuse me. So what are you fine fellas doing? I'm sorry if I'm nagging but my friends don't know how to arrive quickly.''

'' Oof, nothing special. We were just making plans when to meet up again and were talking about school.'' said Minho. Felix was frustrated because Changbin hasn't said anything. He is just avoiding meeting his eyes. Despite that, Felix felt, no Felix knew that Changbin was checking him out, more specifically his outfit. He wore almost everything he has thrown at him.

''Interesting... So Changbin what do you think of my outfit? Also, sorry for being awkward the other day, you just startled me.'' he chuckled again. Felix didn't want to show how nervous he actually was.

''Um ugh it suits you well. Which means I wasn't wrong and also that you have a horrible style. That's it.'' Changbin sounded so sassy it made Felix laugh.

''There's the fashion guru that scared me few days ago.'' joked Felix. ''If only you knew how much my friends made fun of me that day, because someone else acknowledged my poor taste in fashion. But, hey, what can I say. I was rather unique.'' He noticed that his friends were aching to make a comment. He also noticed that death glare Changbin gave them if they say anything.

-

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuuuckk._


	10. Chapter 10

_I just might as well drive off a cliff now._

_Why did he need to ask me about his outfit. Now they will all know. Also, why am I nervous around him. Who gave him permission to make me feel all tingly and sensitive when he is near me - I don't approve. Thankfully though, his friends came just when he finished his sentence._

That gave Changbin the most perfect moment to go to the restroom to think about what had just happened. He knew that the questioning is inevitable. Felix said too much and it left Changbin's friends with too many assumptions and queries which he didn't like - _at all_.

However, what Bin feared the most was coalition between his friends and Felix's. That only meant one thing - Changbin had to get away from them as possible. Though when he exited the restroom he saw that the worst thing ever. They were all laughing. ''Oh no...'' exhaled Changbin already regretting why he ever went to Felix. 

''Binnie come here'' yelled out Minho, motioning with his hands for Changbin to come there. 

'' Okay, hi!!! I'm Jisung, the usual fashion guru of Felix's who trashes his style but the other day I was unable to help him. So thank you so much for doing God's work instead of me. I was extremely pleased to see someone else helping him out.'' Jisung said that bowing to Changbin in both thankful and teasing way. Bin noticed both looks, one from Felix that was meant for him and one from Minho but it was for Jisung. Suddenly, something clicked in his head. Changbin took his phone just to make sure if he was right. He was. 

He went to Hyunjin and showed him the picture and then they both looked up to Felix. It was visible that Felix was uncomfortable from the stares.

''Do you care enough to share why all the stares?'' Felix asked curiously with his eyebrow rised.

Why did he have to rise his eyebrow, does he want to put me into a hospital. No, wait why am I stressing over Felix's raised eyebrow. I don't like him in any romantic way or sexual for that matter. We are just acquaintances, nothing more, nothing less.

''Mmm...'', Hyunjin played with his hair trying to fix it even though it was completely fine, '' it was nothing.. He just thought that you looked familiar.'' Nervousness and awkwardness were almost palpable.

''Okaay you are being really weird right now.'' said Chan. 

''You are all killing my chill vibe with your awkwardness. Let's all take a picture!!''

_[yall can we pretend that they are wearing the things i said they were wearing in a previous chapter// imagine felix and bin with piercings and tattoos like from the cover of this story//i'm really struggling here lol]_

''OH. MY. GOD. THIS PIC GIVES ME LIFE. Y'ALL CAN I POST THIS ON MY INSTAGRAM?'' screamed Jisung from excitement. 

''Sure.''

''Yeah, why not.''

''TAG ME!!!''

''Felix, how in the fuckity fuck did you fucking get 10k followers?'' asked Jeongin. ''What did you do?''

''Urm, I don't know honestly. It just happened. I posted pictures and people followed me. But don't let it foolish you. I post a picture and I already have over hundred messages from girls or guys, so I mostly just turn of notifications or my phone is otherwise buzzing like craazy.''

''Yeah, it's really tiring sometimes. Just imagine what happens when he drunk-posts sometimes. It's hilarious.'' laughed Chan.

''Yeah it was really hilarious when I posted you dancing to 21st Century Girl like a demon possessed you. I swear more people came to the party then.'' 

''Wait, there was a party here recently and there was also a guy who danced and sang like crazy to that song.'' claimed Minho.

''Yes.. That was me, unfortunately.''

''Unfortunately for you, not for me. I died out of laughter. I think my lungs hurt the whole night.'' Felix couldn't stop laughing and giggling.

''I bet that wasn't the only thing that hurt you that night...'' Changbin said so quietly almost like as light as a whisper. Hyunjin hit Changbin with his elbow.

''Are we missing out on something or?'' Felix asked so innocently. 

_How can he look so innocent with his ''choke me daddy style'' and his teasing and flirty looks. And that fucking choker/bow tie around his neck. Fuck me._

''Welp, Changbin noticed that you were really, like really really familiar to him. So he checked to see why and um..'' Hyunjin tried to explain but unsuccessfully.

''Long story short, Hyunjin and you made out at that party. Like made out for hours, really, extremely passionately.'' spat Changbin.

''Oh.''

_Fuck._


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> emoji imagination ahead

_Oh.  
_

It wasn't even a word but it said too much yet too little. 

Only he was able to properly form was that all chances of them all becoming friends vanished, I mean how can they be friends if his tongue was in Hyunjin's throat for hours and hours and hours and vice versa. It felt like he was saved by the bell. Thank you to whoever called Felix at that very moment. Not even apologizing for leaving to take a phone call, he just ran.

''Awkwaaaaard.'' added Jisung.  

''Well no shit, Sherlock.'', replied Chan, ''So what are you going to do now?''

''Yeah, like I already like you guys so much. You're so chill.'' complained Jeongin with his little pout which somehow made him even younger and child-like. 

''Like I have no problem with hanging out with you guys, but most importantly Felix. It happened while we were drunk and it's in the past. It's not problem for me, but it all kinda depends on Felix.'' Hyunjin tried to reason with them.

This is what Felix heard. He did go to answer the phone, but it was a wrong number so he just stayed hidden and eavesdropped to the conversation. It was way easier like that so he knew how to prepare himself for whatever should come. After a minute or two he returned.

''I'm baaaaack. Sorry for running like that, I thought it was important.'', Felix said, ''Did I miss anything? You are all looking at me really weirdly.'' 

''I settled with them that I'm okay with whatever happened between us during that party and everyone agrees, so it's only you left to have a say.'' explained Hyunjin carefully.

_Am I okay with it? But even if I'm not okay I should say that I am. Don't want any new friendship to be ruined because of my selfishness. It's not like I have feelings for Hyunjin or anyone else from his group.  
_

''Yes, of course I'm okay with it. Why wouldn't I be? You wouldn't know but my friends know how I am when I drink a little too much.'' nervously laughed Felix. It was too much stress for him right now. He needed some time and space to reckon about everything, however though he wasn't in the position of rational thinking. So he did what he thought was only appropriate for this situation thus he went and hugged Hyunjin with love he could find in this particular moment. Not surprisingly, Hyunjin hugged him back. 

''Look at them all being cuddly like little kids. Oh I have to a picture of this!'' exclaimed Woojin. ''So cute.''

''You know what guys? We should make a group chat all together.'' suggested Seungmin.

Everyone uproared with excitement and support. 

After many hours, Felix finally came back to his dorm. Since he was here in Korea and his parents all the way back in Australia, he had no other choice than living in dorm full with other kids who were in the same situation like him. Parents living in other cities or countries, but the kids are here to get the best education in the country. He lied on his bed, exhausted from everything that happened recently. Felix was preparing a bath for himself with oils, roses, foam, soap and everything in order to become more relaxed. It wasn't a huge problem for him that he made out with Hyunjin, it was just that he didn't want that to be used against him in the future. 

He was so near to hopping into the fragrant bath when he heard a knock on his door. _I swear if someone got to the wrong door..._

Felix wrapped himself in his bathrobe, went up to the door to see who it was.

''Wait a minute.''

''Chris?''

''Hi Lix. Oh am I interrupting your soft ass from taking another bath?'' she barked with laughter.

''Ha ha very funny. And yes, I had a really stressful day today so I would like to take my nice warm bath which I haven't taken today at all, may I mention!'' _  
_

''Ohhh so this means you need some red wine to calm yourself, no worries. Just give me your keys and I'll bring it in few minutes so you can talk about it. I AM HERE TO RELIEVE YOU MY DEAR JIKSEU!'' she emphasized the last sentence.

'' Yaaas queen, but I can't drink too much I have school tomorrow, unlike you I actually prefer to get educated.'' he teased her.

''I already told you, I have the whole week off so I could prepare the choreography for you lame ass dancers! So now if you want to drink that wine in your nice and WARM bath lemme go.''

''Fine..'' Felix gave her the keys and finally got into the bath. Ah, it always gave him goosebumps when the warm water hits his cold skin. Somehow, his skin was rarely warm. 

Before Chris came back he was thinking about her and their friendship and how she was one of the best things that happened to him. She was the one that helped him go through his tough times in Korea when he had no one and nothing. His train of thought were interrupted when he heard the doors being opened. Since they did this a lot, he was in a bath drinking whatever drink and he was sitting beside him, Felix had bought shoji so it wouldn't be awkward to see him naked. Also, they did this in her room too, so she too had a shoji in her bathroom. 

''I'm back Mosquito and  with your favourite drink.''

She also brought the glasses for them. When she sipped it, she gave Felix a glass.

''Here you go. So from now on, I am your therapist until your bath becomes too cold for your liking. After that I'm becoming your friend with whom you're going to watch a film. Did you understand?''

''Yes, ma'am.''

''Spill the tea.''

Felix shared everything that was on his mind. Everything. 

''Oof, that is some messed up shit Felix.'' 

'' I did not know nor acknowledge that. Thank you for your precious advice, Chris.'' sarcastically and with a hint of annoyance Felix replied to her.

''Fuck you too. You know what? Why don't you just get to know them, after you do that you will forget about everything that happened between you two. It will go away naturally just like between you and me hahahahahaha. You remember when we....''

''Shush, don't remind me. I felt so bad afterwards...''

''Fine, but it's still funny to me. Sooo, what are we going to watch? Do you want to watch a cartoon, anime or coming-of-age film?''

''Options please, don't make me suffer.''

''OPTIONS IT IS. Cartoon - Pocahontas or Mulan. Anime - Your name. Coming-of-age - The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Call me by your name. CHOOSE NOW.''

''Do you want to make me depressed on purpose? Those films make cry, so I'll choose The perks of being a wallflower. I know, I know it makes me cry every time, but the playlist is fire and don't you dare argue with me!''

''The perks it is.''

_Felix always regretted for not doing what he did on 'the incident' earlier._

-

He looked at his phone, seeing a ton of messages from the new group. They should've known better that he'd put them on mute. When he was not busy he would write rap and any type of distraction was not welcomed. Of course, when he had a lot to write about he had the writer's block. How wonderful. 

He heard his phone was spammed again. But it was from the other group.

**ho(e)ly water**

**minhoe** : bin you might want to open the fuccing group 

**an angel** : yeah you really don't want to miss this

**in** : bin hyung

**in** : dont do it

**in** : we all know you have a crush on him

**an aegyo hoe** : what are you fukn talking about??

**minhoe** : just open for fucks sake

Honestly, he was curious to see what happened, but he definitely did not see this coming. He opened the gallery because who had the time to go through two thousand of messages and what he saw was unforeseen. There were a lot of picture of Felix with some girl. Felix. With a girl. All cuddly. There were few videos of them too. Changbin didn't know whether or not to open them. 

He did.

It was Felix ''singing'', more like shouting until he busts his lungs, along some foreign songs. Probably American. Since he was interested to see what happened he started reading ALL of the messages. It seems that Felix lost his phone at some point, because this girl took it.

**straight children**

**the model guy** : hiiiiiiiiiiii

**the model guy** : it's not felix btw

**the model guy** : he kinda had a glass too much that he can handle so i took the phone from him

**the model guy** : y is the group nameless, yall lame af 

_the model guy named the group chat straight children_

**squirrel** : CCCCCC

**squirrel** : i missed you so much

_the model guy sent a picture_

_a baby reacted to your picture [heart eyes]  
_

_squirrel reacted to you picture [heart eyes]  
_

__parent #1 reacted to you picture [heart eyes]  
_ _

__plump lips aka visual reacted to you picture  [heart eyes]  
_ _

__savage reacted to you picture [heart eyes]  
_ _

**a baby** : omg your skin is flawless

**plump lips aka visual** : what's happening im confused asf

**the model guy** : ik already yall aint straight so here is the most ironic name

**parent #1** : except woojin and i ***

**parent #1** : from our group, dont know for these guys tho

**the model guy** : omg youre aussie too

**parent #1** : yes kekeke

**the dancer** : kinda feeling left out

**savage** : me 2

**the model guy** : im sorry but who dafuq is the fashion guru 

**plump lips aka visual** : our dear friend changbin hyung who i already know muted this group since we parted 

_[1643 messages after]_

**parent #2** : Why do you always give him the red wine, C?

**the model guy** : he asked for it woo 

**parent #2** : I am a hyung to you...

**the model guy** : and idc so whats your point?

**squirrel** : cant wait hearing lix with his raspy, almost gone voice

**savage** : all the girls and gays getting wet tmwr hearing him with his deep and now gone voice

**the fashion guru** : i

**the fashion guru** : am

**the fashion guru** : so 

**the fashion guru** : lost

**the model guy** : oh finally the fashion guru appears

**the model guy** : so i heard that you gave a little makeover to my lixxie 

**the fashion guru** : you could say so

**the model guy** : i already like you so much

**the model guy** : whoops, ive got a situation 

**squirrel** : code yellow?

**savage** : code green?

**parent #1** : code white?

**parent #2** : Code black?

**the model guy** : code green with a side of regret and can't shut my mouth up

Changbin put away his phone. It still felt bitter in his mind, throat, tongue, lips.

_My lixxie._

_I don't care. He is just a guy, I don't like guys.Not after everything._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you're confused only jisung knows about chris


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i'm bad at creating drama so sorry in advance

"You did what?" Felix asked furiously. "Chris why did you do that? I literally met this people yesterday and know they'll think that I'm some drunk who gets overly emotional."

"Well, they wouldn't be wrong, would they?" Chris teased him. Felix was always oversensitive when he sobered up.  
"Sometimes I hate you so much, but hey now they know what to expect from you and I." the silence fell between them. "But did you really assume their sexuality Chris? Straight children?''  
"Well, I wasn't wrong. Everyone except Chan and Woojin are queer so what's the problem? And you DID go to the gay café.."  
"You do have a point."  
"Wait so everyone is queer except them?"  
"Yeah, you didn't know? ''

''It's not like I asked them, it would be rude. We had just met, it's disrespectful.''

''Basically, Jeongin is still questioning, Minho is gay, Hyunjin is pansexual. I think."

"What about Changbin? You left him out." He sounded obvious, but he wanted to know if he ever had a chance with him.  
"Oh, our dear fashion guru is bisexual, but with really low interest in males. They said he had a really bad experience which really scarred him. So he is almost straight."  
_Oh._  
_That means that he had approximately zero chances to date him, only if he wanted to have something with Changbin. Which he obviously didn't._  
Felix spent his day with Chris, before going to school. Just this day he didn't have any make up on or choker. He wasn't feeling it today. So he went with his "I was drinking yesterday and now I regret it" look. You could see his dark circles which where emphasized by his pale skin and silver hair.  
"Gosh Felix you look like death. I already see people staring and admiring you at school. Too bad that he and Chris went at different shifts at school. She was a year younger than him, but she didn't call him oppa. They wanted to remind each other of their old country even though he was from Sydney and she was from London.  
"Please Felix call me or text me if you don't feel well at school. Just don't let that happen again.  
"Don't worry about me." He said carelessly with the biggest and warmest smile in the world. He hugged her and gave her a kiss on forehead.  
"I can't believe we almost ruined this."  
"Yeah... You do know that I still care about you and love you fully?''

''I do, I still love you as much. Now stop making me cry. People will think I use drugs because my eyes would be all red and swollen from crying. Stob it.''

Felix took his bag and walked with Chris until they went their own way.

''I'll text you later, Chris.''

''You better!'' Chris yelled.

Since Felix left his room a bit earlier than usual he took the shortest route to school so he could sit and relax in the park nearby. It was spring so all the trees and flowers blossomed filling the air with sweet scent. Felix always came here to think or to empty his mind which was uncontrollably filled with various thoughts he didn't like to share. He was sitting on a bench, admiring the view, the clouds, the fresh air. Looking blandly at the lake, he heard shouts. It was Jisung.

''Lix, what are you doing here? Oh my, are you ill or something. You are so pale and OH MA GOD I SEE YOUR FRECKLES AGAIN. THE FRECKLES HAVE THEIR COMEBACK TODAY!''

Felix roared with laughter. Jisung loved Felix's freckles, which were sometime a rare sight since Felix covered them with make up. ''Hi to you too, Han. It's nice seeing you so excited for my freckles!''

''Wait, let me examine you. Dark circles, pale skin, freckles, no make up, horrible clothes AND NO CHOKER. Just how much wine did you drink last night?''

''I shared the bottle with Chris. I think I had like two glasses, but you know what it does to me.''

''Can you please tell me what Chris did last night, in the group chat. I'm frightened to open it. What I know for sure is that she SPAMMED with my 'performance'. ''

''Let's just say that you really slayed all of the songs. Especially Heroes, I think David Bowie is really proud of you. Also, we made plans with the others to go to a restaurant for lunch.''

''Well, don't count me in. I can't even show my face to them, I'm so embarrassed.''

''Don't you even try to get out of this. You are sitting next to Changbin! I'll make sure of it.''

''And I guess you'll sit next to Minho? Don't act like you weren't glued to him yesterday.''

''That would be the same as if I told you that you like Hyunjin because you cuddled. AND MADE OUT! Are you sure you don't like Hyunjin not Changbin?'' asked Jisung.

''In fact, I don't have a crush on either of them. Can't a man enjoy being single with no crushes?''

''Sureee... Whatever makes you sleep at night.'' Jisung answered.

Felix looked at his phone to see that Changbin followed him on instagram and also that they would be late for their first class. They got up and walked fast to the school.

-

Changbin opened the chat just to see photo of Felix sleeping. This girl is really trying to kill and make him like Felix. However, Changbin was more determined than ever. No boy crushes, well no Felix crushes. He unlocked his phone, staring at his backround - plain black picture. It looked rather boring now, so he searched through his gallery to find the perfect picture. It turned out to be a picture of them doing a Slav squat with the worst ever sweat suits. He remember that day being so fun, although it was the first day at school. They promised each other to make it a tradition that at the first day of every month they will wear a costume to school. They knew nothing about Slavs or their culture but that didn't stop them from blasting the Slav music. It was so funny to see Jeongin singing the songs, Minho and Hunjin rapping.

He was so bored, he went through every possible app he had on his phone. Finally when he got on instragram he saw that all of his friends followed Felix, so he did the same. He also looked at all of his posts.

_So he was that type of person who used a lot of emojis to properly express himself. Look at this fetus, without any piercings and bleached hair. His face was covered with freckles. They all looked like stars and his face was the universe._

Changbin also found Felix's photos from Australia with his old friends. Felix with Chan. Also Felix rapping and dancing with Chan and their friends.

_Wait, Felix and Chan rapped?_

_**leefelix began following you** _

He saw that he and Jisung posted new stories so he opened it. They we vlogging. Actually vlogging. The were at some park but ran to school because they were late. Felix looked so different than usual. His dark circles were visible like his freckles. No eyeliner or eyeshadow. No chokers. Except his totally mismatched clothes, but that was Felix after all. Wait, is he going to the school which is like 15 minutes away from his?

Why do I even care how remote his school is?

**straight children**

**squirrel** : don't forget to meet us at lunch today

 **the dancer** : where we meetin?

 **savage** : wake up?

 **the model guy** : fine with me

 **the model guy** : but do they have enough space for all nine of us?

 **parent #1** : they are closed for the next two weeks

 **plump lips aka visual** : food?

 **plump lips aka visual** : they are organic and have vegetarian/vegan menu

 **squirrel** : or

 **savage** : or?

 **squirrel** : we order food from some random restaurant and eat it at felix's dorm

 **the model guy** : mmmm excuse you but why at my dorm???

 **the dancer** : wait why are at the dorm?

 **the model guy** : family is in australia and i'm here alone at korea

 **the dancer** : ohhh

 **savage** : ohhh and we can finally meet chris

 **plump lips aka visual** : wait is chris that girl from yesterday

 **the model guy** : yes, but unfortunately she will be unable to see you today

 **the model guy** : some really serious business with her school

 **parent #2** : Or we can go to a park and have a picnic

 **parent #2** : WITH CHICKEN

 **the model guy** : god bless

 **squirrel** : amen

 **parent #1** : hallelujah

 **savage** : holy mary

 **the fashion guru** : are we missing sth?

 **squirrel** : ummm yeahhh??

 **savage** : chicken

 **savage** : is

 **savage** : the

 **the model guy** : best

 **parent #1** : fucking

 **parent #2** : Food in the whole wide world

 **the fashion guru** : wow so you're the chicken fam then?

 **the model guy** : don't disrespect the chicken

 **squirrel** : blockdt

 **the fashion guru** : my bad

 **savage** : or we order chicken and eat at felix's

 **the model guy** : why do you want to come to my place so bad seungmin???

 **the model guy** : is it some kind of booty call??

 **savage** : hmmm ;)

 **the model guy** : in that case you could've just said

 **the model guy** : i'll be waiting at the restroom ;)

 **the dancer** : disgusting

 **the fashion guru** : get a room

 **plump lips aka visual** : binnie huyng i'll be too waiting in the restroom ;))

 **savage** : get a room

 **parent #2** : No unprotected sex in this household!

 **parent #1** : we don't want any teenage pregnancies

 **a baby** : don't worry binnie hyung likes bjs

 **the fashion guru** : .............

 **a baby** : sorry not sorry

 **the model guy** : [sent a picture]

 **the model guy** : chrissie came to our school bless

 **a baby** : chrissssss

 **the dancer** : DOES SHE GO TO A DANCE SCHOOL?

 **the model guy** : yup

 **the dancer** : i now realised that i had seen her before.. she is 01?

 **the model guy** : right again

 **plump lips aka visual** : [a voice message]

 **squirrel** : SHE SAYS SHE LOVES YOU TOO VISUAL

 **savage** : [sent a voice message]

 **a baby** : <3

But everything Changbin heard was ''Stop kissing me Felix oppa...''


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> omg i forgot how shitty these chapters were,, oops

Changbin could handle a punch in the guts better than this. His nonexistent feelings towards Felix were (un)surprisingly existent. 

_He wasn't actually kissing her, was he? Maybe she just did what everybody did when your friend talked to their mum on the phone so they blabbered stupid things. Why do I care again? I don't even like guys anymore, I'm as straight as Felix's straight white teeth. Fuck. No Felix in this head. No, no!  
_

All of these things went through Changbin's head. It wasn't like when you had so many things to think about so your head and mind were filled with countless thoughts. They just flew with such speed it was dizzying. Overwhelming. That's the word. All of this, Felix, Chris, feelings, sexuality, problems - it was overwhelming. Changbin called Hyunjin. The phone rang and rang.

''Please, just answer. Please. Answer. Please. Goddammit.'' Changbin was sobbing. He always put this facade to make himself look tough, but in fact he was a vulnerable. It was unknown how much time has passed before his phone buzzed. The tears had dried off. Seo cleared his throat. 

''Yes?'' it sounded so monotonous, without any emotion. 

''I'm sorry Bin hyung. I was in a very important class and this insane teacher makes us leave our phones in this basket so she could make sure we don't use them. Are you okay? You don't sound okay.'' Hyunjin's worry was obvious. He recognized the emotionless tone. He knew it all too well.

''Yea, everything's fine. I was just hysterical, nothing more. Don't worry about me.'' The older one knew he couldn't lie to his best friend, but he did. Everything he felt, sensed, experienced was too much for him to explain to Hyunjin.

''I know you're lying. Changbin, we've been through this before, you don't have to be ashamed. I'm leaving school. See you as soon as possible. Just don't do anything stupid okay?''

Silence.

''Okay.''

Changbin wanted to get out of the bed, but he couldn't. His body was wrapped with some kind of force which didn't allow him to move. It was all in his head. After some time, still unknown to Changbin, he heard knocks on the front door. His body was not his, well not in this period, he had no control. After dragging out from the bed he got to the door, opening them he saw Hyunjin's worried face.

''This is even worse.'' Hyunjin stepped in fast. The younger had a bag filled with food and drinks. ''Okay, let's get you to bed. Then you'll tell me everything and I mean EVERYTHING.''

Everything was so blurry and vague. The older was moved to his bedroom. Thankfully, his parents were at work, unable to see him in this state. His friend gave him food, ramen and chips, more precisely. They eat in quiet , which didn't bother Changbin at all. The ramen gave him warmth, something he was currently missing in himself. Finishing the meal, Hyunjin threw the rubbish. He laid next to the older and hugged him almost suffocating his friend, trying to give him as much love he can, but he Changbin didn't seek his love, he wanted Felix's. 

''Seo Changbin, I'm here and I'm listening. I'm not leaving you until you say everything that is on your chest. Please, I just want to help you. You weren't like this since''

''Don't. Can we just lay like this for some time? Before I can actually form, you know, a sentence.'' this left his lips lighter than feather, quieter than a whisper.

Changbin saw Hyunjin turned off his phone, so they wouldn't be bothered. He really appreciated it. Thankful, that's what Changbin was. Tears were forming in his eyes, ready to leave, unlike the words that were stuffed in him. 

''Hyun-hyunjin?'' his lips trembled, tears running down his faded cheeks.

''Yes, Binnie hyung?''

''How can I be straight? How do I turn off these feelings?'' the voice that said this was shaky, full of fear, confusion and giving up.

Hyunjin looked at Changbin's red, watery eyes. He cupped his hyung's face. ''Listen, I don't know what happened between Felix and you, but you have to deal with him about that. I want you to know that I'll be here to support you. I know, Binnie hyung, that she was awful to you,  she had no right to do that. That feeling you are suppressing in yourself because you like a guy is ridiculous and you need to let go of it. It won't be easy, but I'll be here and Minho will be here and Jeongin will be here. We are all going to be here. For you.'' Now Hyunjin was crying too, he couldn't hold it anymore, seeing his best friend hurt again, because he couldn't accept himself fully. The past scarred him and he was no longer trusting anyone or anything.  ''We love you and support you the way you are even though you are unable to do that yourself, but we will be patient. Now, tell me what happened and in-depth.''

Changbin was all emotional. The little speech which Hyunjin just had with him was causing even more tears. They were both sobbing.

''I love you too. I-it was really stup-pid. Chris came to Felix's school. They sent cute pictures and somebody sent a voice message. I heard her telling Felix to stop kissing her. I-I was stupid and jealous. It was nothing. I-I'm sorry I made it such a big deal.'' A new wave of warm tears came.

''You're not overreacting, Changbin. You're not. He is your first male crush after Jiho. After everything that happened with you, Jiho and his sister aka your ex... This IS  a big thing. If you want I can investigate a bit to see what actually happened. Maybe they even explained everything while you were here all emo.''

-

Felix was at school. Bored. He was in Geography class, he was on his phone, but because the teacher liked him since he usually reads books during classes she pretended not to notice his device. He looked at Changbin's photos, they were all artsy in their own way. Sometimes he would post some lyrics maybe his. Oh no, it was by someone named Spearb? Whoever he was. Felix scrolled to the end and that started researching the pictures. It showed how a person grew and matured if you look at their photos in retrospect. There were quotes and later pictures and selfies with this really pretty girl. Felix stopped scrolling. They were kissing. Of course, he wouldn't have pictures with the girl just because. She was his and he was hers. 

He kept scrolling. After a year he stopped posting their pictures. A new era of his photos started. It was filled with Spearb lyrics - who is this man, he must be Changbin's role model or something, and pictures with Hyunjin, Minho and later Jeongin. Intrigue was eating out Felix, but he respected the older's past and privacy. 

The bell rang, finally.

Felix was going to his next class when he heard someone shouting his name. He was after all the only Lee Felix in his school. 

''FEEEEEEEELIX. FOR FUCK'S SAKE WAIT.''

Chris.

''Heyyy Chrissie. Whatcha doing here?''

''I missed you.'' she said it so softly, almost melting his heart.

''Aww, really?''

''No, you dummie. I wanted to ask Jisung, Seungmin and you.''

''CHRISSSSSSS!!!!!'' screeched Jisung while running and pushing everyone around him. 

''Aaa Jisung oppa. Missed you so much.''

''Rude.'' Seungmin's and Felix's voice combined.

''Let's all take a picture.'' suggested Jisung. ''Felix let's take it with your phone.''

''Okaaayy..'' They posed and took a selfie. Jisung examined the photo and when he determined it was good enough he sent it from Felix's phone to their new group. Chris was happy to see how the little baby Jeongin missed her. Also, Hyunjin sent a voice message saying he loved her. They were all happy and smiling, so Seungmin recorded a voice message for the group. Felix, because of this euphoria, clinged onto Chris and kissed her.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i cant believe i wrote the shittiest story ever but here we are

''Stop kissing me, Felix oppa!'' _  
_

_What the fuck did I just do?_

Felix came to his senses. Jisung and Seungmin looked at him with the most horrified looks Felix has ever seen in his life. _  
_

''What the actual fuck Felix?'' Seungmin asked him. _  
_

But Felix was so embarrassed he didn't answer the question, he just ran.It wasn't at some planned place, he went where his legs took him and quite frankly, he didn't know where he ended up. He glanced at his phone, filled with missed calls from the three. Chris had sent him a message.

''Meet me at the park in 5''

Felix was sceptical at first since he knew what he was going to hear, but eventually gave in.

''See you in 5''

The boy was anxious. Last time this happened, their friendship was almost destroyed so he was determined not to let that happen again. Getting closer to the park, he searched for his friend until he finally noticed her. Felix was slowly approaching her, hoping he would never get close enough so he could never hear what she has to say.

''Chris?'' His voice was shaking, filled with fear.

''Felix, honestly, you're such an idiot. You just have to. Stop.'' 

This is the most serious she has ever sounded and that scared him. Chris was always such a ball of sunshine and fun, but this, this was not her.

''I'm sorry.''

''You're sorry? For fuck's sake Felix, last time you did this you almost ruined my relationship. Learn the fucking boundaries.''

''I was just overwhelmed with happiness and it overtook me. You know I would never do that. Your relationship was already ruined... You were the one who came drunk to me. You were the one who said you had the biggest crush on me. YOU were the one who cried because you didn't love your boyfriend because of me.'' He was getting angrier and angrier. It wasn't all his fault for what had happened.

''But you were the one who fucking kissed me and gave me hope...'' Silence fell between them. It was making everything so awkward.

''Chris''

'' Felix don't get me wrong. I really liked you back then and when I was finally able to come clean about my feelings you gave me false hope, which really hurt by the way. I was heartbroken and I thought I could never forgive you, but I valued our friendship more than my stupid feeling and your dumb instincts. Can you just give me some time to think, please? I would do this if you were in my position.''

''Of course, how much time you need. You do know that I love you with all my heart, even though I show it really, really poorly.'' the boy chuckled as he said the last few words. Thankfully, so did the girl which made Felix really happy, knowing there is still a chance for their friendship.

''You know what Lix, instead of kissing me how about you go and kiss that emo dude in the group. With the photos I sent I think he went into a panicked gay mode. It's so obvious he has a crush on you.''

''Chris, that's the dumbest shit I have ever heard you say.''

''It may be dumb, but it's the truth...'' she replied with a dazz of sass.

At that moment, Felix knew everything would be alright between them.


	15. Chapter 15

He opened his eyes, his vision making everything blurry. The crowded feeling he felt made him confused. The boy looked next to him and saw something really touching, his best friends were all lying next to him. Even though they couldn't move an inch, they all slept together on Changbin's bed. He didn't quite remember when the came here, his memory was bewildering. Questions began rising.

_What happened last night? How are they all here?_

The thoughts were disturbed by the sudden movement. Hyunjin opened his eyes and asked Changbin if he's alright. Before he answered he looked carefully at his friend. How did he end up with such caring and supportive best friend?

''Yea, everything's fine now.''

But it wasn't. His confusion, regret, feelings were still bothering him.

''Somehow, I don't believe you. Stop lying to us Binnie hyung. I invited Minho and Jeongin while you were asleep. We are gonna help you!'' The words left Hyunjin's beautiful plump lips, his comforting smile softening Changbin. He really wanted to believe him, but he was a pessimistic.

The sleepy boy carefully got out of the bed to freshen up, leaving his friends to sleep in his bed. He stepped in the bathroom, cold tiles touching his bare feet which made him shiver. This was the part where he should brush his teeth and wash his face, but he just couldn't. The last night's impression was still influencing him.

_Should I text Felix and explain myself? Or should I just forget about everything and pretend nothing has ever happened?  But nothing happened? Why I am making such a big deal out of nothing? What? I'm not making sense. Is this how it feels before you go crazy? Wait, am I going crazy? Fucking Felix making me question not only my sexuality but my sanity too... And I'm still fighting with myself wow... Jiho would never. I should probably pee and do the usual instead of fighting what it seems like a thousand personalities in my head._

Instead of brushing his teeth, Changbin looked at himself, stared more precisely. You could say he was examining his face, his rough features, jawline, nose, deep brown eyes. When did he become this person who cried because his crush might not be mutual. He used to be confident, so sure of everything he felt, thought, did. But now, everything he did made him insecure, only fashion made him feel safe. It may have taken him long enough but he finally acknowledged that he lost his confidence and self love, it will take a lot of time and effort but he determined to succeed. After the pep talk he had in his head, the boy brushed his teeth, washed his face and for the first time in forever he smiled to himself. Now that he knew that he had his friends support he could manage to get mentally better.

Looking at his closet which was filled with dark things he tried to find some bright stuff. New mentality, new clothes. However the lack of anything which isn't black made him do what he loved the most. Shopping.

Although he had to go to the 3rd Eye looking like he could slay someone even if they just glance at his direction he felt just like a puppy inside. He couldn't understand how he, his body, organs felt happy and careless while his mind had the polar opposite mindset. Was he truly insane or just confused?

When he stepped into the store he was already relieved. The store always gave him this feeling, made him feel welcome. After some time when he saw all the new clothes they have gotten and tried them on, he couldn't help but feel a bit sad. This was the exact store he first saw Felix, the gorgeous freckled boy, who made him question his sexuality again and spun the world around his head making him dizzy with feels and unrequited love or in this case, crush.

Changbin knew, deep down that there are slim chances he was liked by Felix but also he didn't want these feelings. So, his next decision was purely made on those two thoughts. He is going to find a girlfriend and just stay friends with Felix. What was the point chasing someone when they made it obvious they liked someone else. That someone else is their best friend and favourite person in the world aka Chris.

The saddened boy exited the store but something disturbing. The horrible choice of clothes was noticeable from continents away and the bitterly sweet touching and giggling was sickening. Truly. No matter how much Changbin wanted to throw up all he could think is at least Felix was happy. If Felix was happy, he was happy too. After all his friend did deserve the very best and if that very best was Chris who was he to destroy it.

-  
Felix was truly happy. He knew everything was going to be fine.

"Sooo Lixxie, to make sure you would stop kissing me randomly we NEED and I really mean NEED to find you a girlfriend. Or boyfriend. Perhaps the emo guy aka Changbin." Chris suggested teasingly with a bit of seriousness. But Felix just laughed to that suggestion.

"Listen Chris, I don't what drugs you're using but believe me I could and would never be with him. He is cute, not denying it bur he is like the straightest dude I have ever seen. He might claim he is bi but believe me he gets scared of the bare thought of being romantically involved with a guy let alone sexually. So that's a no from me. And I'm perfectly happy with the fact that I'm single, thank you very much."

"Feeelix baby, oh sweet innocent baby, little bub. You might be happy being single but I and most importantly my lips are not. Since we know that it won't help if I'm in a relationship it means you need to be."

"How about I don't ever kiss you because you are all gross now and I don't have to be in a relationship. I'm feeling really forced and high-key attacked. I might ditch you and never ever speak to you again." Felix proposed.

"Deal. So let's find for you to smash."

"Chris..... Stop it. Seriously... You're making it weird."

"Oh yeah I forgot, you're the bottom. Whoops."

"Chris!" He screamed.

"Sorry not sorry. It's the truth. Accept it."

"You know what, I'm leaving you right here, all alone in this big crowded city. I tried being your friend but you make it impossible so goodbye, hopefully we will never see each other again. Wish you lots of luck in the future and I hope that doctors will find a cure for your insanity or whatever disease you have. I'm done." Felix said jokingly, slowly backing away from her.

"Noooo Felix, oh please my heart. Ooh, my heart it's breaking. From this bullshit! See you back at the dorms you little shithead."

"Ahem, I'm still your oppa. Treat me with respect."

"Whatever you say, dumbass hyung."

"The disrespect I receive is unbelievable, I'm going to tell everyone to block and report you."

"YOU WOULDN'T DARE!!! FELIX. They will delete my account if all of your followers report me!!"

"One hater less." The smirk appeared on his smooth juvenile face.

"Fuck you."

He felt the cold presence and stare, but when he turned around he thought he saw a familiar raven black head except this one was attached to a body clothed in a really bright clothes. Not even Felix had such vibrant wardrobe and he had a lot of different clothes.

"Changbin hyung?"


	16. Chapter 16

_Changbin, you're the love of my life. I love you with all of my heart, soul and being. My life without you wouldn't be completed and so empty. I need you._

Changbin opened his eyes. It was all a dream. There was a bitter taste in his mouth which was caused by this dream? Was it really a dream, it seemed like a nightmare to the heartbroken boy. Eyes, his eyes were so dry, itching to be touched by water or fake tears. Eyelids, heavy, waiting to closed again. Mind, puzzled and filled with countless thoughts - happy and sad, lovely and angry, calming and disturbing. The only difference between this dream and the previous ones is that there were no tears. It was almost unnatural how he got used to the repetitiveness of his annoying mind, but he was still determined not to like the silver-haired boy with the most beautiful freckles which were given to him by every god that has existed, face and body sculptured by the very best sculptors that have walked on Earth. Since Changbin's parents were both home, he had to give them the brightest smile he had ever faked. There weren't the typical parents of rich kids - always on the road, busy with papers and meetings. They were the polar opposite, whenever there was something important there were always there for him - both happy and gloomy days. However, Changbin never came out to them. They never knew the real reason why his girlfriend broke up with him or why he was so unhappy the whole school year and how he befriended his best friends. In their house it was never acknowledged or known that their only son was bisexual and that he always went to the gay cafe or that his heart was being broken in pieces because of a boy. 

The main reason why Changbin never told them about his sexuality was because he didn't want to disappoint them or ruin the way they looked at him with such pride and love. The thought that he could lose that was daunting. So when he made himself presentably happy he decided to get out of his room to the living room where were his parents.

''Good morning honey! Hope you rested well. I made you some breakfast, pancakes with strawberries.'' The kind words made Changbin's heart warm. The smile on his mother's face was so caring and geniune he couldn't dare to ruin it so he bottled everything in himself. 

''Good morning to you too, Mum. Hopefully you rested more than me, you need it.'' He said those words while approaching his mum and giving her the morning hug. It was the least he could do. ''Where is Dad?'' He took the plates and sat behind the table. ''He went to the market to get the juice and other groceries, he'll be here soon.'' 

The breakfast was delicious as usual and his father eventually arrived, bringing the juice and more necessities. When Changbin finished with his breakfast he went to his room. First he went to his phone to check if he had any notifications and of course since he was friends with the lunatics who liked to spam resulting in having over 1k messages just in one group, not to mention the one with Felix's friends. For some unknown reason he opened the one with his friends only to see them warning him not to read the texts from the other group. And he didn't. Deeply, in his heart he could feel it was about Felix and Chris and he didn't deserve to beat himself up because of that. In that moment he felt grateful because he had amazing friends who took care of him. 

Today was the official day he began being happy and getting over the one who must not be named anymore because his name had sweet yet bitter and sour taste in Changbin's mouth. Since it was the day it meant he had to wear bright clothes. For the first time in forever. Naturally, when he came to school his new colorful outfit caused some gasps and sigh, the most extra ones were from his friends. They didn't expect this kind of drastic change from THE EMO CHANGBIN. 

''WHAT'' Started Jeongin.

''THE'' Continued Hyunjin.

''FUCK'' Finished Minho.

''Please gentlemen pick up your jaws and restrain yourself from drooling over me.'' He teased them.

''Who the fuck are you and what happened to the real Seo Changbin?'' Minho asked.

''Well Lee Minho, if you have to ask. I thought that maybe if I had vivid clothes I might be more positive and overcome the fucking issue. Thank you very much.''

''Wait, I need to take picture of you, so in few years I can tease you about your happy phase.''

''First of all, rude. Second of all, fuck you. I'm here trying not to be an emotional wreck, but the disrespect that I receive...''

''I think you are very cute and adorable and squishy hyung! But not as adorable as me tho!'' Jeongin exclaimed with the softest smile this universe has ever experienced, made, felt, seen. 

Hyunjin took at least dozen of photos of Changbin and then a few dozen with both Minho and Jeongin. Some pictures were sent to their new group just to share why the Earth might be destroyed. 

**straight children**

**plump lips aka visual** : [images sent]

 **plump lips aka visual** : gentlemen, may i present to you a soft Seo Changbin

 **the dancer** : we were taken aback too

 **the model guy** : OMG

 **the model guy** : you look so cute???

 **the model guy** : i'm-

 **the model guy** : uwu

_the model guy reacted to plump lips aka visual's message [heart eyes]  
_

**the model guy** : i teared up????? _  
_

 **savage** : felix, your gay is showing

 **savage** : also, the old changbin can't come to the phone. why? oh, cuz he's dead

 **parent #2** : You look so much happier and positive. Fighting!

 **squirrel** : did u have a mental breakdown? that looks like a result of a mental breakdown

 **squirrel** : **@savage** remember when felix had a identity crisis last summer oh my gosh im still not over it loooooooool

 **savage** : omgg yeeeessssssss

 **savage** : do you still have the pictures?

 **the model guy** : uummm guys can you not? we're talking about binnie binnie changbinnie hyung now

 **savage** : boiii you are sooo whipped 

**squirrel** : the whipped culture smh

 **the fashion guru** : i'm still dark? just tried sth new?

 **plump lips aka visual** : i'm uwuing irl

 **a baby** : my dear hyung finally became soft yeeey

 **the model guy** : i'm following a girl from your school?? she is literally freaking out about this new binnie hyung

 **the model guy** : it feels like i'm there to see it in person

 **savage** : then go to their school dummy

 **savage** : you literally have school in the afternoon

 **the model guy** : omg i'm going to be slayed i can't 

**squirrel** : WHIPPED

 **plump lips aka visual** : .

 **the dancer** : .

 **the fashion guru** : and i don't see you deny it...

 **the model guy** : .

-

**english speaku**

**buzz buzz** : omg guys should i go to their school

 **buzz buzz** : is it too much????

 **rude boy** : kjkjkjkdjksjdfksdfsjd 

**rude boy** : you're asking 

**devil** : just cuz ur asking it means u want to go

 **devil** : just goo and leave us alone 

**devil** : y is the whipped culture this gross

 **buzz buzz** : rude

 **rude boy** : if you want i can come with you so i can get to see you embarrass yourself live

 **buzz buzz** : WHY ARE YALL DISRESPECTING ME 

**mum** : Oh my god, yes. Go to their school, get yourself a boyfriend!

 **mum** : I'm cheering on you!

 **byung** : FELIX

 **byung** : GO

 **byung** : OMG

 **buzz buzz** : aaaaaaaa but should i?

 **buzz buzz** : is it too much?

 **byung** : OMFG JUST GOO

 **devil** : jdfhjsfjsdfhsjdfh youre still deciding whether to go

 **devil** : jisung said he would go with you so you wont be alone

 **devil** : do it!!!!!

 **buzz buzz** : okkkkkkkkkkk im going stop attacking me ffs

 

Felix and Jisung were standing outside Changbin's school. It was around lunch time, so they could have some time to actually talk and socialize. Felix looked decent because Jisung helped him. Although his style did begin to improve a bit. However, they didn't know whether they were allowed to get into the school during the lunch or at all if they're not students. That meant they had to try and see. They went in. The school was filled with posters about various subjects, clubs, meeting etc. The lost boys searched the whole school to find where the lunch area was. Finally, they found it. The area was filled with hundreds of students who were all eating, some joking with their friends, some trying not to fall asleep. Felix searched for the black-haired boy with the brightest clothes and it didn't take him long. He took Jisung's sleeve and practically dragged him to the table where Hyunjin, Jeongin and Changbin were. Some girls were staring at the gorgeous strawberry-haired dude and his silver-haired and pierced guy who was dragging him across the room. 

''Sooo, hello. We came to see this miracle.'' Felix said it nervously, his deep voice shaking.

''Ummm, I didn't expect for you to really come. Sit, I guess?'' Changbin responded.

''Felix hyung, I missed you sooooo much and you to Jisungie hyung.'' A slight screem left Jeongin's body, but this happened so often everyone got used to it.

Felix hasn't noticed, but Hyunjin gave Changbin a concerned look. He also invited Felix to sit next to him. Internally he did protest, he wanted to sit next to Bin hyung, but he didn't want to be called whipped anymore than necessary. 

_Changbin hyung is so fluffy? I'm so glad that we are friends._

Even though the unexplained nervousness protested.


	17. Chapter 17

_Changbin hyung is so fluffy? I'm so glad that we are friends._

The blond boy came to the other side of the table, he waited for his friends to move so he could sit. Hyunjin and Jeongin went to the opposite sides of the bench, so Felix could be between them.

''What's with the sarcasm, you fox?'' Jisung asked the youngest. ''Why are you so cranky? Did somebody annoy you? Just say the name and I'll do the thing!!'' 

'' Kay, calm down, Bruce Lee, no need to throw those hands of yours. We are just suffocated with tests and homework, that's all.'' Changbin reasoned with him. ''And did you seriously think that our dearest maknae would be bullied next to these guns?'' He pulled up his sleeve and showed his biceps. 

Jisung and Felix didn't know that Changbin worked out in his free time, so the sudden discovery caused enormous amazement on their faces. Felix, on the other note, was not only taken aback he was also drowning in his really gay thoughts. 

_Cho- Ummm, wow his arms, wow. What a man! WHAT ELSE IS HE HIDING UNDERNEATH THAT BAGGY CLOTHES OOF??? Am I staring? I feel like I'm staring and my gay is showing. Chill. Lee Felix, CHILL. Welp, that's not working!!! PANIC MODE: ON... NOT THIS, JUST NOT THIS. I WANT DEATH... ummm LEE YONGBOK CALM YOUR TITS !!_

''Binnie Binnie Changbinnie hyung really didn't hesitate... Also, I'm here too... Who would bully this baby of ours.'' Hyunjin then leaned in front of Felix and pinched the youngest's cheeks. ''Look at that cuteness, I can't... How can a five year old boy attend high school, like isn't that just cruel?'' 

Felix, too, joined the older in attacking Jeongin with cuddles, blowing kisses and pinching his cheeks. The reactions of the attacked were giggles which sounded like it came from a toddler. At the end, Jisung was mad because he was constantly blocked from joining the attack, Changbin was enjoying the sight of his best friends playing and his crush. He might have been annoyingly indecisive these past few weeks, so when he finally acknowledged he should just be positive, accept and love himself. Today, Felix was his crush. Tomorrow he might be his friend who he is trying to get over. In two days he might be his boyfriend. In three days he might be his enemy. It just wasn't predictable like Changbin's feelings and assurance. 

''End it! Now. You're going to hurt the baby and Jeongin too.'' The older knew what he said and he stood by it.

''Did- did you just call me baby?'' Felix asked. His face lit up, eyes were sparkling and smile shining. You could actually say without hesitation - Lee Felix outshined the Sun. 

''I did? If it bothers you, I'll stop...'' His eyes flew to Hyunjin. They screamed ''HWANG HYUNJIN HELP ME''. 

''No, no. I was just surprised that's it.'' The blonde gave him a cheeky smile.

''Not awkward at all... Sooo, the real question here is how is Hyunjin at school with you? Aren't you in different shifts?'' Jisung tried to break the stiffness in the air caused with Changbin's sudden outburst of softness.

''Today I have six classes of IT. Like in one school year I need to have six? days of IT. So those days I don't have regular classes. So, today my classes were scheduled in their shift.'' The pale dark-haired boy explained.

''Which means we are stuck with him during every break... How wonderful...'' The sarcasm Jeongin used today is unbelievably disrespectful, but he knew they were all soft for him, so he was immediately forgiven. 

Until the boys left to go to their own school there were many hugs exchanged, hands held and weird looks received. Both Felix and Changbin were sad because they were interrupted from doing anything from above, but they also kind of ignored each other. But when they were saying goodbyes, Felix did a very bold move which made the older's heart race faster than Usain Bolt. They all hugged since it is widely known that the Aussie is extra clingy, but when he came to Changbin - that was possibly the tightest hug he had ever given someone. To someone who was watching them it would've looked like they haven't seen each other for decades. It was too intimate. It made you feel ashamed because you could possibly invade such private and close moment, even though they were friends for two weeks.

Naturally, such sight caused many looks in that way from both students and teachers. It seemed like centuries had passed, when Felix decided he had to step out of the embrace. 

''If you want I can borrow you some of my bright clothes. I guess you don't own that much of vibrant shirts and hoodies.'' Felix offered. To be frank, deep down he was hoping Changbin would accept so he would come to his dorm and hang out.

''Yeah, ummm, I don't know how to say this to you. Felix have you seen your closet?'' 

''SEO CHANGBIN, just because I have horrible sense of fashion that doesn't mean I don't have good clothing. I just can't match them together. Rude small boy.''

''That was enough.'' Hyunjin instinctively jumped between them knowing how his best friend tends to be offended when his height is mentioned.

''This went from cute to agressive.. The duality of Changbin...'' 

'' Don't hurt Felix. He is my favourite hyung of you all...''

''Than-''

''What did your bitc-''

''WHAT''

''.. Did you mean...''

'' I didn't sign up for this disrespect. So don't mind me leaving..''  Jisung  said.

'' Just so you know the offer still stands.'' Felix took Changbin's hand and shook it a bit. Then he ran after his squirrel friend. 

_Cutie._


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> homophobia ahead gross

''Can you fucking not be a faggot? I was trying to eat back there, you know?''

''Yeah, I was just sitting with my friends, minding my own business but you had to disturb that with your faggot boyfriend, didn't you?''

''He's act-''

''Shush it rainbow boy. You should've stopped with your girlfriend's brother... Was she that gross so you choose to hook up with her OWN brother?? The random guy from school shoved Changbin onto the wall. He firstly went to freshen up because of the previous affection with Felix made him blush. He found it uncomfortable because if anyone just saw him for a second, they could see everything this boy felt. Some boys followed him to the restroom just to show him their piece of mind.

''And I don't get how this concerns you. Are you jealous because you can't get a girlfriend but I can have both a girlfriend and boyfriend? Don't get it. Next time, just miss me with that bullshit. Maybe if you actually minded your business you could've enjoyed that lunch of yours.'' 

Changbin pushed himself between the annoying seniors. He knew they were scared of him so they came in a group, but hey, at least they weren't such cowards to send him anonymous hate messages. Their words just threw him a bad mood. When he returned to his table, he didn't say anything. Jeongin and Hyunjin would just ask him loads of questions, he would get moody, they would explain how they just care about him, he would reply how he doesn't need to be taken care of and so on. They've been through this before. So he pretended he was just sad because he missed the fun they had all had recently.

The rest of his classes went like the usual. Every break he would meet with Hyunjin and Jeongin because he got sick of his class. They weren't that bad, but most of them annoyed him so why would he spend his precious five minute break with them? After he would go to his next class. And that went on a loop. From time to time the conversation from the lunch would pop into his head but he shook it off almost immediately. His hug with Felix was not going to be ruined by some assholes who don't have anything else to do in their lives but to hate on people with different point of views and sexuality. Hyunjin finished earlier than them so he just went home and Jeongin had a really important test for tomorrow so he stayed at library. Changbin was left alone. 

This became his routine, him going home alone, listening to a random playlist on his phone, internally jamming to the music. Ironically, like universe was trying to make fun of him, every sad song he had on his phone was played.

He checked his messages and socials to see what he missed, even though he already checked it two minutes ago. As expected there was a ton of messages with their crackhead group. Felix sent pictures of Changbin that were obviously sneakily taken, the others were shocked by his appearance. Felix was teased by his friends and it seems like only they understood what's happening. 

The day was truly beautiful. Air was fresh, sun shined, wind blew carelessly through Changbin's hair and clothes. It gave him some kind of calming feeling, almost euphoric. He felt - relaxed. Still under the influence of today's incident, the lonely boy texted all of his friends seeking advice. Jeongin was answering probably because he was still studying. Hyunjin wanted to know more about the situation, but Changbin was too embarrassed to explain. Minho tried to help him, but he had classes. He said to call him in an hour, he would be available then, but Bin needed help immediately not in an hour. Hopeless, he texted the person who could probably comfort him. 

''Um, hey. When do your classes finish? Great, I'll see you soon.''

-

''Um, hey.''

''Heeeyy.''

''When do your classes finish?''

''It seems that my teacher isn't at school, so like I finish now?''

''Great, I'll see you soon.''

''See you soon?''

Felix looked at his phone, still confused with what had just happened. He waited and waited until he finally saw the small dark-haired figure with too bright clothes not matching his mood.

''Wassup, Binnie hyung?''

Instead of getting an answer, he got a hug. Felix stood there, shocked, but he hugged the boy backed. Even though he didn't know what happened, he would be there. He would be his support. They just stood there, in front of the school, hugging. Felix smelled Changbin's hair, it smelt so nice. He was so warm, it sent shivers down Felix's spine. 

Changbin suddenly step out of the embrace. ''T-thank you Felix. Really. I needed it.''

''Do you want to talk about it? I'm here for you.''

''Can we maybe go to your place? I don't want my parents to see me like this.''

''Sure, do you want to stop anywhere or ?''

''Maybe we should get hot chocolate on the way to your dorm? It's kinda getting chilly.'' 

''Yeah, sure. Let's go.''

Just as when Felix finished his sentence, his hand was interlocked with Changbin's. He didn't protest.

They got hot chocolate and finished it before they got to the dorms. Felix was nervous, he didn't know what could happen. Why did Changbin come to him? Will Chris come and totally misunderstand the situation? 

''Sorry it's a bit messy. I didn't know I would have guests today..''

''Don't worry, it kind of looks more welcoming.'' Sad smirk appeared on the boy's face. 

Felix showed him the couch. ''Get yourself comfortable, I'm just gonna get the blankets. Oh, do you want something to drink?'' 

''Go get the blankets, I'll serve myself..''

Felix entered his bedroom looking for the blankets, his head was filled with thoughts what will happen. Who knows what this guy might say to him tonight.

_Is it serious or not if he came to me?_

He took what he came for and went back to the living room. What he saw was a sad boy, concentrated on a glass of water which he was holding in his hands.

Felix broke the silence. ''So, I finally found the blankets. Hope you didn't wait for me too long...''

Changbin took the blanket he was offered and he thanked Felix.

''Oh god, this is going to be a really direct question, but why did you call me?'' Felix asked while he sat on the other end of the couch. They both faced each other, their legs intertwined.

''It's nothing that serious so you can chill. It's just comments from these homophobic shitheads and they put me in a bad mood which resulted in killing my positive vibe.'' 

''Oh, okay. I was secretly hoping it wasn't anything really serious because I suck at giving good advice.''

'' I'm sorry that I just called you out of the blue. It's just I needed to talk about it with somebody like urgently and they were either busy with school or too invested in details.''

Silence. Sighs.

''I'm not hurt because they were homophobic, it's just... They touched the topic from the past that really hurt and I'm still not over it, you know?''

''But why would they mention it today?''

''Well, they might have seen us today at the cafeteria and assumed that we were together. You know, like together together.'' 

''Oh.''

''I just thought that my past would be forgotten and never mentioned again.''

''Don't mind me asking, but like what happened? If you don't want, you don't have to share. I'm just interested what made you be in state like this.''

Silence.

''When I was a sophomore I dated this girl. We were together for a year. I didn't know I liked boys too. So when it was our one year anniversary, I went to her apartment and her brother was there.''

Silence.

'' I got there and her brother was drunk I guess. Said she wasn't home yet. I got in, we talked and he suddenly kissed me. I can never the describe the feeling that I felt at that moment. It was so weird. Same lips just different emotions and passion. I knew it was wrong, but it felt so right. It was new, inexperienced.''

''Lemme guess, she walked in on you?''

''That wasn't even the worst part. She outed me to the whole school, bullied me with her friends and the rest of the homophobic shits in our shift. Her parents even sent him to some kind of church cult to converse him to be straight again.''

''That's so...''

''Shitty and fucked up. I know. That happened when I was a junior. Last year. That's when I met Hyunjin, Minho and later Jeongin. They helped me through everything and I literally mean everything. At one point it got so bad I was thinking about the worst option. I was depressed, not suicidal because I'd hate myself even more to make my parents sad and disappointed.''

Felix understood him even though it never happened to him, but he understood. He reached out to hold Changbin's hand, but in the end they ended up cuddling. Felix held him in his arms, comforting him. The silence was unbearable so they put some music in the background. 

''Changbin hyung, I'm so so so sorry you had to go through that. You didn't deserve it, no one did. Especially not today.''

''No Felix, I'm glad it happened. If it didn't, I wouldn't have talked about it with you. It made me realise things, I wouldn't have otherwise.''

Felix looked at the time, it was 3am. That meant that they were together for 8 hours. His phone was full of messages. Especially from Hyunjin.

**Hyunjin**

Felix (20.10h)

Do you know where Changbin is? He's not answering his phone.. (20.11h)

Felix, pls.. Have you heard of him? We're concerned (23.46h)

His parents called me, he's not home yet (1.19h)

Pls (2.51h)

Felix. (3.14h)

-

''Changbin, uhm, do your parents know where you are?''

''Fuck, I forgot to tell them.''

Changbin got his phone and texted them saying he was sleeping over at friend's house and that he'll get home before school.

''All done.''

They were back at their previous position.

''Felix?''

''Mhm?''

Felix looked at the boy in his hands. 

The boy looked back and kissed him.


	19. Chapter 19

His lips on mine.

They were so soft and sweet probably from the hot chocolate we drank.

It lasted for two seconds if even that long, but it felt like decades have passed.

He turned around. We both looked at nothing which was in front of us. Silence swallowed us, the only thing that was heard was our breathing. Eventually his body got heavier. He fell asleep.

Felix got up and covered his guest with blankets so he wouldn't get cold during the night. He dropped dead onto the bed, the tiredness was catching up to him. The words that swarmed his head, his body but never left attacked him once again.

_Why would he do that? Perhaps of all that gay talk and how his first gay kiss went he wanted to see if anything changed. Nothing more, nothing less._

Felix's eyes got heavier and heavier, vision blurry. Sleep caught up with him.

A noise from the living room woke Felix up. He slowly got up from his bed, still dressed in his yesterday's clothes. The door were opened with such care it seemed almost impossible that they opened. Just as the blond boy looked to see what caused such noise, he caught a glimpse of messy black hair and the front door closing.

He exhaled. Changbin left. He enterted the living room, seeing the blankets were folded and a white note on the coffee table. Felix ran and took the note so he could read it. An instant smile appeared on his face.

_**Good morning, Felix!** _

_**Sorry for leaving without saying goodbye but I actually need to get home before school, ya know... Thank you for everything you did yesterday <3 Promise I'll make it up to you <3 ** _

_**Binnie** _

It was so short, yet so lovely - it made Felix's heart race so fast he was breathless.

He looked at the clock - it showed that it was 6.15 am. He should probably go back to sleep but this cuteness doesn't let him. His lips suddenly started burning again like when Changbin kissed them.

Felix took his phone and sent his hyung a message.

_Binnie hyung_

_Hiii Binnie ~~_   
_I just woke up , tnx for the little note_   
_Can't wait to see what you had in plan_   
_I hope you're okay now <3  
_

He went back to his bed and fell into the peaceful sleep once again.

Next time he was woken up it was Jisung calling him. Unable to still see clearly he examined the bed with his little hands trying to find the annoying phone. When he found it, he wished he didn't.

''FEEEEEEEEEEEEELIXXXXX.''

''FUCK Jisung, can you perhaps NOT SCREECH IN MY EAR?''

''Sorry Lixxie, can't do. Sooooooo, Seungmin and I are waiting for you to open the door so we can get in... It would be wonderful if that could happen in this lifetime.''

''OPEN UP BIATCH!'' Seungmin continued to scream at him when Jisung stopped.

''CAn yall wait? You woke me up... I'm getting up. Wait, just, wait please!''

Felix got up with phone on his ear. Stumbling on his way to the front door he managed to open them. His friends marched in and jumped on the couch. The same couch were he laid with Changbin. The same couch were he got kissed.

''SOOOOOOOO, CARE TO EXPLAIN WHY YOU AREN'T UP AND IT'S NOON?'' It wasn't clear if that was a question or a demand.

''SPILL THE TEA! I mean we all know he was here, Hyunjin attacked us until he finally received a message he was with a friend.''

''Yeah... We all know that you are THE friend.''

His head was filled with thoughts. Should he tell them? Would it be lying if he doesn't say what happened on that very same couch 9 hours ago?

''He just had a bad day. Hyunjin, Minho and Jeongin were busy so he came to me. We talked and that's IT. No tea to spill.''

''Lieeeeees! We both heard you hugged again at school when he came.''

''Believe what you want, I told the truth...''

''Hard to believe you.''

''Okay, but like what is happening with Woojin and Chan? I haven't seen them in ages. I actually m-i-s-s them.''

''Oof, yeaaah. We definitely should schedule something... I think I forgot how Chan hyung looks like, he doesn't even post selfies like Woojin hyung.''

''Yeah.. Let's all go to the movies or lunch.'' Seungmin agreed with Jisung. It did pass a lot of them when they all saw each other.

''Where is Chrissie? Haven't heard or seen her since the day she came to school.''

''Oh, I forgot about Chris, fuck. I don't know.. She hadn't texted me or called me these past few days. I'll ask around the dorm later.''

A text appeared on Felix's phone. It was from Changbin.

_Binnie hyung_

_We could get a lunch or sth? Idk_   
_Thanks again for yesterday, really_   
_It meant so much <3_   
_Sorry for the other thing tho, it won't happen again_

''Ummmm Felix? WHAT OTHER THING?'' 

''WHAT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN? WHY WON'T IT HAPPEN AGAIN?''

''Nothing won't happen again... Gosh, nosey much?''

''Always?'' Jisung replied. ''Also, school starts in like half an hour? Perhaps we should, you know, go? But first, Felix honey, let me dress you properly!''

''Not again with this. I'm going to cry...''

''And please do go and brush your teeth, so we can all stay alive today!'' Seungmin yelled at Felix while the two were going to his bedroom.

''I was going to but you know two annoying people interrupted me!'' Felix yelled back.

-

Changbin woke up. He was laying on a couch, covered with blankets. He then realised what had all happened yesterday and where he was. He got up and started searching for paper and pen. He couldn't just leave without a note or something, what if Felix gets worried? 

After some search Changbin finally found a sheet of paper and a pen so he could write. Someone would think that a high school student will have those two laying around everywhere, but not Felix. 

Changbin gave much thought when writing this note. Yesterday he came totally mentally unstable to Felix and the poor boy doesn't know how he might feel today. Finally, after finishing the really short note he exited and went home. 

He was welcomed with a hug by both his mum and dad. His mum was complaining how she was sick worried yesterday when he didn't call or text them. He apologized and explained how he was just hanging out with a friend of his at his apartment and they both lost a track of time. 

''It just seemed smarter if I stayed there over the night rather than going home alone at 3 am.'' Changbin finished explaining, still feeling guilty. He was their only son, of course they would be extra worried. 

They all had breakfast in peace and quiet. But something bother Changbin, not only the kiss but why didn't they ask more about which friend? Did Hyunjin tell them about Felix or did they just assume it was one of us, us like Minho, Jeongin and Hyunjin? However, he shoved that thought at the back of his mind. When he finished eating he went back to his room to back the bag and go to school. 

He didn't even enter the school properly and was already bombarded with questions by little Jeongin. 

''What happened? Where were you? Why were at Felix's? How did you end up there? Why didn't you contact anyone? I studied for two hours and you made a fucking soap opera...''

''I was feeling down, I went to see Felix, we talked and that's it. Nothing happened!''

''Yeah, sure, whatever. You're not fooling me, but don't worry.. I'll find out soon enough!''

''Just go to your class please and leave me alone, you, you FOX!''

Jeongin was going away to his first class while shouting back at his hyung. ''WHATEVER BINNIE BINNIE CHANGBINNIE!''

For fuck's sake how did I end up with lunatics? 

While exhausted Changbin was in his first morning class he was thinking about last night and text he received just after he exited Felix's place. He was really stupid just to kiss him out of the blue. But Felix... Felix was really confusing him. Did he want to be kissed by Bin? Did he like the kiss at all? Was he disgusted? 

His lips. His lips were the best thing he had ever kissed. They were soft like a pillow and sweet, really really sweet. He felt more from that barely one second kiss than he ever did in kissing his snake's ex girlfriend. I mean he did feel something in the beginning but it just faded over time. They were together for so long it became a routine not a wish or need. 

All the kisses he ever had never made him feel this way and this made him realise. Changbin was in real trouble.


	20. Chapter 20

''And...''

''And?'' Felix replied.

''Oh for fuck's sake Felix stop being such a tease. Just tell us that something happened between you and Changbin.'' Jisung's frustration was getting to him. The boy lived off drama and gossip so the lack of both was unforgivable.

''Yeah Jjikseu, I mean everyone knows you probably hooked up just confirm it.'' Seungmin hoped that if they both pressured Felix they might find something out, however their friend can't be broken easily like everybody thinks.

Felix was always thought to be this sweet-heart, a dumb pretty blonde who didn't know how to keep secrets or to think for himself. That reason itself, gave him the motivation not to spill the beans. Even though they were his best friends he needed to think and solve any problems he was able to solve without involving every breathing and living person in this godforsaken planet.

After what it seemed forever, Felix finally answered back to the pressuring. '' I have nothing to confirm nor confess! Also, what made you think that it was anything romantic?''

''Felix, do you know yourself and your luck? You breathe and like already a billion people have developed a crush on you? Naturally, when there's an INCIDENT, one would think it might have been a kiss, make out sesh or hook up.'' The word ''incident'' was especially emphasized to bring awareness to his possibly stupid friend. Secretly, Seungmin thought that Felix got dumber of all the bleach on his hair and it may got into his brain's.

''Sorry Lixxie.'', Jisung added, '' but Seungmin kinda does have a point. Just look at what happened with Chris.''

''Oh, fuck me.'' The words were fleeting between the two confused boys while Felix ran off.

''FELIX, WHERE ARE YOU GOING? WE'LL BE LATE TO SCHOOL!''

Next thing you could see is the little blond figure turning around and running back to his friends. ''I may have forgotten we were going to school.'' A blush appeared on his cheeks enhancing the beauty of his freckles. It slipped Felix's mind that he didn't hear from his friend for some time now. She also didn't visit him, was she mad at him after all? Since he was probably being late for school, again, he sent her a message just to see if she was alive. Deep down, even though he knew it was wrong to feel that way, he wished that she backed off. He did love her, with all of his heart, but she just made him confused. Felix was never that type of person he was with her, not thinking about other's feelings, doing everything without considering if that is morally good.

_I'm sorry Chris but it's for the best._

A sudden ease filled his body. Leaving people that brought out the toxic side of you, never mind for how long you've been friends, was the best decision one could make. Friends show bring out the best out of you, right? He knew, she did the same. What they had for these years was nice but it wasn't healthy and they both realise it.

**Chrissie the real mvp**

_I know we both made the same decision and I just want you to know that I treasure our friendship. I needed it in the right time just like you did. However this friendship brought out the worst out of us and I don't want you to be that person. I want only the best for you, so goodbye Chrissie. I love you so much and I will miss you. <3  
_

_Love you Felix (oppa), i'll miss you <3  
_

No matter how much it stung him to leave a person behind, he did it, for himself, for his well-being.  He looked at the contact info on his phone. Debating. At the end, the decision was pretty obvious. He never knew the day he deleted Chris' number would come so soon.

''Lix, you okay?'' A voice snapped him away from his thoughts. Concerning looks from his friends were piercing him, making the tears in his eyes more obvious.

''Oh no baby, don't cry. You're going to ruin your make up.'' Jisung hugged his friend and Seungmin joined in too.  ''If this is because we were nagging you earlier, I'm so sorry Lix. I didn't know it hurt you that much.''

Felix was sniffling and quietly sobbing in his friends' arms, letting his frustrations out. Eventually they went to school in quiet, none of them saying a word to what had just happened. 

**Binnie hyung**

_pick me up from school at 12.40 & bring food,, no questions _ _asked_

The rest of the day were blurry, totally irrelevant. He went to classes, ate during lunch. Until the last class. Panic was boiling, making the air in the stupid classroom stuffy and unbearable. Every breath he took was shaky, leaving him unable to survive next to these 30 people in his class. He looked at the clock which showed the class ended in 10 minutes. 10 minutes too much. With any strength he asked his teacher if he could go to the toilet, sneaking his backpack so he could leave the class early. 

As soon as the door shut, he ran. He ran until his lungs were filled with the fresh air. Light breeze was hitting his back while he waited for Changbin. One minute passed, then another and another. The bell rang. Everyone was exiting the school either for a break or to go home and Changbin was nowhere to be seen.

_Maybe he didn't want to see me after all. Maybe I disgusted him. Yesterday meant nothing to him._

But, as soon as Felix thought that he saw a small dark figure approaching him. His presence woke tingling sensation in his stomach. Felix once again ran and pushed other people until he came to his friend. He stood in front of his hyung, looking down at his eyes. The urge was inevitable. He cupped Changbin's cheeks and gave him a peck on the lips. The desperation that he bottled up inside him this morning was boiling, overflowing him which Felix transferred onto the kiss, making it more passionate. The sweet taste on Changbin's mouth from yesterday was still present. He grabbed the boy, pulling Changbin in more eager to taste him. 

All the whispers surrounding them disappeared. The cold he felt earlier was replaced with warmth. His crush hugging and kissing him made Felix weak. The autumn wind was blowing, it hit his face harshly, in result his freckled filled cheeks were blushing. Felix didn't even realise that they stopped kissing. He, also, didn't notice the love-struck stare Changbin had while looking at him. The reality snapped silver-haired boy back, making him see that everyone was staring at them. Phones pulled up, facing their red lips from all desire, recording the pair as they were still in each other arms. The buzzing, whispers and shushing was all too overwhelming. 

Something warm took Felix's cold hand. 

''Let's go. Yours or my place?''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hated chris im glad her fake ass got removed


	21. Chapter 21

Suffering -  a physical or mental pain that a person or animal is feeling. Also known as the feeling bored Changbin was feeling. He was sitting in his classes, not doing anything basically. He tried focusing during the first two lessons but the realization that he won't be able  resulted in him giving up for today. Not until he heard the notification on his phone. The teacher looked at him, annoyingly, probably thinking they weren't paid enough to handle students this early. 

''Mr. Seo, could you not use your phone in my class or else you are to be thrown out of the class.'' 

Changbin despised his History teacher. She was this old middle-aged woman, who hated technology and anything that's related to present and future. That meant if she glimpsed at your phone, you will most definitely spend the rest of the class in the hallway. Basically, she was the most hated teacher in the school. 

''Sorry Mrs,  I forgot to turn off the sound on my phone. I'll get it settled right now.'' He reached for his phone, when suddenly his teacher came up to him and took his phone and put it in the basket on her desk. Few months back, she bought a little green plastic basket where she made student who used their phones, put them there until the end of the class where they can collect them.

''I think not, Mr. Seo. I am fed up with you students thinking that it's totally fine to use your phones during classes. In my time, you could get expelled for that and we were still respectful to our elders and authorities. So can you Mr. Seo tell me which I am in this situation?'' The awful screeching voice made his head hurt. Changbin had never wished in his entire life to finally finish so he couldn't hear her voice.  

Elderly is what Changbin thought but he knew better than to say it out loud. He would end up at principal's office if he said it, so instead he said authorities. 

''I knew you had potential in you Seo Changbin. You have the brains you just need to learn how to use them.'' Exhaling after another victory she got where she proved that she was superior and not the students she continued with teaching. 

Changbin sighed. He couldn't believe that this woman is yet again ruining his day with her existence. After painful 25 minutes, the class came to an end. Having approached the teacher's desk to collect his phone, she took it instead. 

''Changbin, I am very well aware that you have outstanding grades in my class, but that does NOT give you the right to misuse any credibility you have earned these past four years. With that being said, I hope you have in mind not to use your phone in my lessons ever again or next time you won't attend them and you could claim your mobile phone from the principle.'' 

He nodded his head, agreeing with whatever she said, because he gave up listening to her years ago. Few messages from Hyunjin, a message from Jeongin. Also few song covers from Minho. He opened Instagram and saw Felix posted a story - or stories to be more correct. First one was him taking a mirror selfie. The toothbrush was in his mouth, silver hair messy, PJs close on his body - if you looked close enough you could see his T-shirt brushing against his abs. 

Next story was a boomerang of him shaking his hips with Jisund and Seungmin in the back holding his head. Felix was such a tease sometimes. The following story was recorded by Seungmin where he was showing Felix fake crying while Jisung criticized his fashion sense again.  At this point Changbin was cackling at his phone. He remembered the moment he first met Felix, when he picked clothes for him and then throwing them onto baffled Felix. 

He might have gotten some weird glances at him, but they didn't know how whipped he was for this foreign boy. Tapping onto his screen to load the next stories. This, this was not real. His eyes did not definitely expect seeing this in the morning or like ever. It was Jisung recording Felix taking of his grey sweatpants and accidentally flashing slightly his white behind. 

Changbin was debating on whether or not to record that video. Was it invading Felix's privacy? Nah, it was too funny and later they could both laugh about it. 

Few seconds later, Felix's but-showing video was deleted and he posted a picture of him holding a knife with a caption ''Catch Han Jisung at his funeral''. 

''Rip Han Jisung'' mouthed Changbin. 

Few hours later, right before exhausted Changbin finished school he received a text. A text from Felix. It said that he needs to pick him up and bring food. This kid was something else. 

However, he did buy him food. On his way to Felix's school he stopped by this organic fast food restaurant, if Felix was going to eat unhealthily at least let it be organic. Changbin glanced at his phone, he was going to be late. So he picked up his pace. He ran until he got near the school. Students were exiting the school which made it more difficult to find his boy. 

How foolish of him to assume that, Felix was glowing, may perhaps literally. His bright hair in midst of dark heads, highlight poppin', sneakers glittery. He was impossible NOT to notice.

A small smile appeared on Felix face and then he ran. He was in front of Changbin in a matter of seconds. He stopped, looked at him and kissed him and kissed him and kissed him, until they were both kissing each other. Changbin should've have bought food, Felix was obviously hungry for his lips. The autumn weather was chilly, but this, this chemistry was what kept them both warm. His lips on Felix's plump ones, still soft and sweet and tasty and perfect. He could feel his blood rushing to his mouth from all the pressure, his heart beating so fast he thought it might explode, his arms not sure where to go - around Felix's waist? On his back? Around his neck? 

It was too late. Felix pulled out of the kiss. They both inhaled and exhaled hard, still at loss of breathe when they made out. They both saw and heard that everyone was gossiping, taking pictures and videos of them.But Changbin also niticed that Felix froze. He took his hand which was unexpectedly freezing cold and asked ''Yours or my place?''. 

No response. He firmly took the scared boy's hand and pulled him as far as way from the school as possible. ''Felix, baby, I know we would have more privacy at your place, but my parents aren't home and my home's closer. Hope you're okay with it.'' The only answer he got was a nod. They stopped. Changbin turned Felix so he could look him in the eye. He looked at him, analyzing his beautiful face, heart-shaped red lips, constellations on his cheeks and on his small nose, deep dark brown eyes which sparkled when he looked at the light. He then started to kiss everything on his face, from forehead to chin. Forehead, nose, freckles, cheeks, mouth, jawline, chin. 

Felix just stood there, without saying anything, not blinking. His lips were trembling and he then hugged Changbin, as tight as it's humanly possible, nesting himself in Changbin's arm. Even though Felix was taller than him, he managed to right next to Binnie's heart. He listened to the heartbeat of his crush, finding comfort in its rhythmical beating. 

''Let's go. It's getting really cold.'' Changbin said, taking Felix hand and still holding it in the pocket of his jacket. Ironically, the walked slowly, so they could be alone more, enjoying every second of the time spent in each other's presence. 

When they got nearer to Changbin's place they became more distant. He still wasn't out, so he didn't want anyone else stealing his moment of coming out to his parents. He unlocked the building's door and waited for the elevator. Luckily, they were alone in it, being able to exchange few kisses and cuddles. But, when the doors opened they went back to the normal friendship relationship at least until they got into the apartment. Changbin called out to see if anyone was home just to make sure and not hearing any responses made him smile so widely. He turned up the heating, but it didn't help much - they were out for so long, it would take hours for their body temperature to become normal again.

''Um, Felix?'' Changbin asked with this soft voice. Felix looked at him and said ''Yes, Binnie hyung?''. The older possibly melted from the cuteness, he got so flustered almost forgetting what he wanted to suggest. ''It was really cold outside, do you want to take um, a shower? I'll borrow you my clothes, it's not a problem. Or like don't, if it's uncomfortable to you.'' He was no blabbering, everything that came out of his mouth didn't even make sense on it's own and especially not together.

''I'd rather not. I have make up on and my hair will get all frizzy and I don't have any spare underwear. There's no point in having a shower if i wear my old underwear, is there?'' Felix smirked. He looked around the place, low-key admiring it. ''I really like your apartment. It feels so cozy and it has that family vibe I miss.'' Changbin admired Felix, while Felix admired the flat. 

''Felix?'' And he turned around. ''Yes, Binnie hyung?'' Changbin was thinking how he wanted to say everything to that little ball of fluff in front of him. All the feeling he felt, thoughts he had about him but it would scare him away, so he said what only seemed normal at the moment. ''Your meal is getting cold, you know the one you asked me to bring?''

''Oh yeah, hehe, I forgot about it.'' Felix approached the dining table where the food was, he opened it, showing this amazing juicy burger and big fries on the side. ''Come, hyung. I cannot eat if I'm not sharing. Please.'' He invinted Changbin with his hand movements. 

''No, bub, I ate while waiting for your order. Just eat, you obviously need it.'' He assured Felix. Slowly, he walked to the table and sat across source of his happiness. He reached for Felix's hand and interlocked fingers with his. Felix looked up and gave him his famous bright smile.  Any coldness Changbin felt instantly disappeared because of the person who sat across him.

After Felix finished his meal, he washed his hands. Changbin waited for him at the door of the bathroom and led him to his bedroom. ''Come, I want to show you something.''


	22. Chapter 22

He looked so ethereal while washing his hands. His eyebrows were furrowed, with so much care he soaped his hands and washed them. When he finished he lifted his wet hands and with the puppy eyes asked where the hand towel was.

''Come, I want to show you something.'' Changbin gave him a teasing smirk. He led Felix to his bedroom. Opening the door he looked at the boy in front of him carefully.

''Come.'' He pulled Felix, both into his room and kiss. Since he pulled him in fast, their noses bopped but the taller acted quickly and managed to brush them against each other. Their fingers intertwined. It was still the same fire and the passion as the last kiss.

''Do you plan to kiss me like this whenever you please?'' he asked and licked his lips. 

''Well, one can only hope.'' 

''So, Binnie, what did you want to show me or was the kiss it?'' 

They came into the room, Changbin revealing the space where he mostly spends his time. His bedroom looked like any other room of a teenager who basically lives in it. His bed, which was in the corner right next to a big window, was made. The desk which was across the bed was a bit messy. The books, notebooks, notes both for school and his own lyrics were spread across. There was also a mic, the one singers used for covers - it was expensive, even though his parents were wealthy enough and would buy it for him if he asked, Changbin still saved money from his allowance. 

Nobody knew, but Changbin had a soundcloud account where he posted his raps and beats, not under his own name Seo Changbin but the pseudonym, Spearb. He hoped that one day he would trust Felix enough to tell him about it. He wasn't embarrassed or anything but the thought of his closest friends hearing his songs and reading lyrics he wrote from his heart made him feel extremely uncomfortable.

He also had a bookshelf filled with books, souvenirs and polaroids with Hyunjin, Minho and Jeongin. His favourite polaroid was when they were at the local quay drinking beer to celebrate Minho's high school graduation. They obviously didn't let the youngest drink since he is still a baby, they were all hugging each other while Jeongin was pissed - he was the only not getting a drink, he was being squished too. 

Changbin threw himself on his bed, putting his hand behind his head. 

''If you have any suggestions on what we should do, shoot ahead.'' Changbin said, following with his eyes Felix who was carefully observing every little details of Changbin's room. It felt like he was getting to see Changbin for who he really is just by looking at his room. 

Changbin really liked music. He had so many scratched or underlined lyrics. Also every paper was signed with ''superb''? 

''I wanted to talk to you.'' Felix turned around the desk and leaned onto the chair.

''Oh?'' Changbin was surprised. Why did Felix want to talk to him? Why did he sound so serious?

''It's not about us or anything, don't worry. It's about Chris.'' He looked Changbin in the eyes, waiting for response.

Felix knew that Changbin wasn't really fond of Chris, especially because Chris and him had kissed and Changbin liked him.

Changbin got straight and leaned on his bed. He tapped the spot next to him inviting Felix to come and sit next to him. ''Tell me, I want to hear what's bothering you. I don't like seeing you frown.''

Felix got to the bed and sat next to his senior. He looked at him and said ''Don't ever say that again, it was so cringey.'' He shook his body. ''I can't believe I actually like you even after saying that.''

''You know what, I suddenly feel like I'm not in a mood to help you anymore.'' Changbin started getting up but Felix was faster and clung around Changbin's waist.

''Please. Pretty please. Be cringey as much as you want.''

''Fine, I'm listening...'' He got back into his position, Felix holding his hand. Changbin had never noticed but Felix's hand was tiny.  ''So Chris. What about her?''

''We're not friends anymore. Let me finish and then ask question if you have them.'' He let go of the older's hand and sat on the bed just across Changbin. ''I was walking to school with boys when I noticed that I haven't heard her for some time and I pretty much got the idea she had. We were good for each other for some time but eventually our friendship became toxic. I was ruining her relationships and we fought. The worst thing is - I didn't like her that way. At all. I was just very confused at the time so every time we drank a little too much I let the alcohol do what I was afraid of sober. We love each other and that's why we parted our ways. I'm not going to regret this I know, I just miss the old days. When I wasn't as confused. Because now, Changbin, both you and I are confused and only thing I know for sure is that I like you and your kisses. And that's not enough for me. I want to know myself. I don't want this to be another relationship where we're going to break up in few days. I want this to last, and what I'm scared most is not knowing if I could love you even if I don't know or love myself.''

Changbin did as he said. He sat and listened. Felix said a lot of stuff, a lot of serious matters. Firstly, one if his closest friends gave up on their friendship. Secondly, he was as confused as him and he really likes Changbin. Thirdly, he doesn't know himself - he doesn't love himself. The guy which sat in front of him, the same guy on whom he had a huge crush even though he was scared of falling for a boy again. The boy who left Changbin breathless. 

When Felix smiled, his eyes would glisten and crank, his smile was kind and it brought positive energy. His nose was small and Changbin tried not to bop it. Most importantly, Felix was probably ashamed of his freckles. It wasn't as noticeable, but if you paid attention it could've been seen that Felix used a lighter foundation just to keep the natural look but at the same time for his freckles not to be as visible.

''Wait a minute, I'll be right back.'' Changbin got up and ran to the bathroom. He knew he had to have it somewhere. When he found what he was looking for he came back, the new items hidden behind his back. ''What are you doing? What are hiding Changbin?'' Felix asked, curiosity in his look. 

''I'm helping you with your problems, what does it look like?'' Changbin sat closer to Felix, revealing makeup wipes and a moisturizing cream. '' The first step to making you love yourself is to see yourself the way I see you. And I want you to see yourself in the natural state. Au natural.''

Felix just sat and did nothing. He trusted Changbin. _He wanted to love himself again._


	23. Chapter 23

He said it. He said everything he had on his mind, but Changbin just stared at him. He didn't blink or open his mouth or do anything to show that he had acknowledge what Felix had just said. He  just looked at him, analyzed him. Suddenly Changbin got up and ran out of the room, he wasn't gone for too long, perhaps a few minutes. While he was gone Felix could hear some noises in the bathroom and he didn't want to pry. 

The noise stopped and he could hear Changbin returning. Felix turned around, he saw Changbin hiding something behind his back. ''What are you doing? What are you hiding Changbin?'' He asked, full of unanswered questions filling his head. 

His crush sat in front of him revealing makeup wipes and a moisturizing cream. ''The first step to making you love yourself is to see yourself the way I see you. And I want you to see yourself in the natural state. Au natural.'' Felix closed his eyes. Soon he felt something wet against his face. He kept smiling because Changbin was so careful while removing his makeup. And on every place where he wiped he kissed him and told him why he loved that part of him. 

His heart was beating so fast when he felt the wipe on his nose and cheek area, that was where his freckles were. When he was younger he was so proud and confident of them, but as he got older he got more insecure and makeup was the only thing rescuing him from, from those spots. If it weren't for those spots his face would've been perfect.

Again, as expected, Felix felt kisses on those areas and soon enough a hot breath tickling his ears. ''I want you to know that your freckles are as beautiful as you. Even though you might not be proud of them, everybody loves them. I love them. And I want you to love them. They are apart of you and they make you so gorgeous I wonder if you are real sometimes.''

Felix started giggling, which progressed into laughing. ''I'm sorry Binnie. I know this is supposed to be very touching but god aren't you cheesy!'' He hugged the latter trying to cheer him up. 

''Ya Felix, I try to make you love yourself and you call me out like this. For fuck's sake...'' He tried to get out of that hug but Felix was way too clingy to easily break that embrace. 

''Sorry, I just can't take you seriously when you're cheesier than cheese itself. But I promise, I'm getting there. My friends are helping me alongside. Before we even met, I used to put so much makeup because I was really insecure, but lately it's just for fun and I went to school few times without it, without foundation. I'm getting there, I'm just not at the level I aspire to be. That's it.''

Somehow they knew what the other was going to do and they kissed each other, almost hitting their noses. ''What are we going to do with 'I want to love you but I might not be able to' thing? Are we official? Or perhaps not?'' Changbin asked.

''I don't know. I want to try this out. Maybe just tell our friends? They all know something is up, we've got nothing to lose. What do you think?'' 

''Make it official but just for friends. I, uhm, I still haven't come out to my parents. They never knew about the thing. I might have said that we got into a really nasty fight and that's it.  So no gay stuff in this household.''

''Didn't you kiss me like few times already? In this exactly same household? You're a guy, I'm a guy, we're not sitting 5 feet apart.. Sounds pretty much gay to me!''

''Shut up smartass. I'm serious. I'm not comfortable with them knowing that I like guys too. I don't know what they think about that topic and I'm scared to be frank.''

''I'll help you, just test out the territory. Say you saw some gay couple or something and if they are okay with it, we'll come up with a way for you to come out, together. If not, well I hope I'll be the best secret boyfriend ever.'' Felix smiled. 

The following hours passed with them talking about most random things and cuddling. Felix's day might have started pretty shitty but as it was ending the day was getting better and better. He was done with school for the day, he ate well and most importantly he spent it with the person he liked, Seo Changbin. 

At some point they turned on the music to make the atmosphere more comfortable. There they were, listening to '' A Little Braver'' by New Empire - Felix's favourite song, cuddling and passing some kisses along the way, heated make out sessions here and there. 

A sudden creak that came from the bedroom's door, made the cuddling couple look at what made that noise. At the bedroom door stood Changbin's mother.

''Changbinnie?''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ''oh shit'' - caitlin  
> umm this is the newest chapter i wrote a month ago? idk when i'll upload i hope soon


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always unbeta'd

Out of all possible things that could’ve happened that day, that wasn’t supposed to be it. This wasn’t supposed to be the day Changbin was caught with the boy he liked.

 

_‘’ Changbinnie? ’’_

 

Both boys turned around. Changbin’s eyes opened widely, but before he could do anything his mother closes the door of his bedroom and walks away without saying anything. He, full of worry, turns to Felix who distanced himself from Changbin.

 

‘’ Felix, I- ’’ but before having finished the thought, was found in a hug. The younger was comforting obviously shaken Changbin. ‘’ I, I can’t believe I h-have to do this. Felix, I don’t want to do this, I don’t want to come out. I, I can’t. ’’ His voice was shaky and tears were stinging his eyes.

 

‘’Oh, baby.. I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry. If you want, I’ll be here next to you if you’re gonna do it.’’ Felix said. He was holding the shorter in his lap, swinging back and forth whilst he was in his embrace. Felix didn’t know how to help the older. It was obvious that if Changbin’s mother had any problems with their relationship she would’ve acted much harsher. Felix wouldn’t be here, holding Changbin. He would’ve been dead worried outside their apartment wondering what would happen to the latter, if I would have had a roof over his head, if he would be disowned, hated by his family.

 

But they both weren’t. They were in Changbin’s room, surrounded by muffled music and Changbin’s quiet sobbing. Everything stayed the same until Changbin realized that he had to do what had to be done.

 

He had never hoped that he would have to have this talk with his mum. Yes, he was bisexual, but he was kinda hoping he would always be in a secret relationship so he could avoid the bitter realization - of him possibly disappointing his parents with his sexuality.

 

Ever since he realized he wasn’t ‘normal’ as in he wasn’t interested only in the opposite gender he carried this fear in him. Fear of never being himself because there was always a possibility of him not being accepted by his loved ones or being alone, never being understood by others, always hiding in his own four walls that were not a part of his home but his mind.

 

His mind was where he truly was himself - bisexual. Still being in primary school and thinking that there was something different with you or something wrong with you, made him insecure, unsure of his feelings.

 

Today, however, was the day he had to had it together even if his head was a much bigger mess than ever but he had something he hadn’t had at that time. He didn’t have a boy that makes feel like everything is alright with him. He didn’t have support from someone like him. Having Felix beside him was giving him courage but what if… What if he did this for nothing? What if Felix leaves him tomorrow? What if Felix gets tired of him? What if his mum doesn’t accept him? What would he do then? Would he have to pretend like that was just a bad prank, that it was nothing serious? Would he pretend it was just an experiment for a class?

 

A sound. He heard a sound. He felt a hot air around his neck and his left ear. Then a kiss on the cheek. Everything was coming back to him. ‘’ You zoned off, did you start overthinking this? Do you want me to stay or should I go? ‘’ Felix asked. This, this whole situation was straight fucked up.

 

‘’ I dunno Felix. I don’t know. What if your presence makes her angry and this goes even more wrong? I never thought I would have to do this. I thought I would be hiding this forever. ‘’ Changbin confessed. In return he got laughs. Great, Felix was laughing at him.

 

‘’ Changbin, you do know if you held that forever you would’ve either been the most fake person ever or drive yourself to insanity until you’re fed up with the secret and you killed yourself? Changbin, your sexuality is you. If you’re not gonna appreciate it, who will?

 

Silence filled the room. Music was still going. It was not the actual silence, but the one between them.

 

‘’Felix?’’ a quiet voice asked.

‘’Yes Changbin?’’

‘’ Will this,’’ Changbin moved his hand between them to represent their relationship,’’ whatever this is.. Is it worth fighting for? Will this be something worth fighting for or is just a fling? ‘’

‘’ I like Changbin. I like you a lot and I’m afraid if I try to show you how much I care about you or explain how I’m without breath when you’re around me or when you look at me or when you’re in my hands like this… Or when I know you want me as much as I want you. If you ask me, no, I don’t think this is just a fling. ‘’

 

Changbin turned around to look at Felix, the boy he likes, the boy he wants to love. The same boy that likes him back. Overwhelmed with emotions, he cups Felix and kisses him. With the kiss he unleashed everything he felt, every worry, fear but also love. Their lips were talking for them. Felix was tense but as soon as his lips felt Changbin’s, he felt relaxed. With one hand he was holding Changbin’s lower back and the other hand he held his head, going through his ruffled hair while the latter was still in his lap.

 

-

 

Their lips parted, red and pulsating as if the boys were hungry and redirected that hunger at the other’s lips.

 

‘’ I’m gonna go now. If I stay here, you’ll never leave this room and face the reality. I’ll be nearby if you need me. I’ll be there for you, just call or text. ‘’ As a goodbye, he planted a kiss on the other’s forehead but lips too, he was that weak.

 

As he stepped out of the room and tried to leave the aparment in a hurry, but a sudden voice stopped him.

 

‘’You don’t have to leave.‘’

 

Felix froze, not sure if he misunderstood. ‘’ No, it’s okay. Felix wants to go home.’’

 

‘’Felix. What a peculiar yet beautiful name for a beautiful boy.’’ She approached Felix and placed her hand on his shoulder. ‘’Sweety, you don’t have to leave. I have no problem with you two dating. If you make my Changbinnie happy, I’m happy no matter what gender you are.’’

 

‘’Mum… Don’t call me Changbinnie!’’ he protested.

 

‘’Oh I’m sorry honey, I didn’t mean to make you embarrassed in front of your boyfriend, I assume. You have my blessing, however though I will have to talk with his father and see what his views are on that topic. So if you planned anything in this apartment, you’ll have to wait.’’

 

Changbin walked up to Felix and his mum, taking Felix’s hand and interlocking fingers. ‘’Thank you. Really. I was so scared that you would view at me differently or that you would be disappointed.’’ As expected Felix knew his que, he hugged Changbin and planted a kiss on his cheek.

 

‘’Well, Felix if you truly need to go home, I hope you can come another time when I’m here so I can get to know you better.’’

 

‘’Of course Mrs. Seo.’’ She went to unlock the front door for the guest. As she went towards the door he took the unobserved moment and kissed Changbin for goodbye.

 

‘’Bye Changbin. Have a nice evening Mrs. Seo. Hope to meet you again.’’

 

And there it was, Changbin’s favorite thing, Felix’s bright smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so so so so so really terribly sorry for the wait. i kinda had a writer's block where i could only write really short stories.  
> hopefully, the long wait is forgiven with this chapter. if you're still reading this thank you and ily <33 and i hope i'll update more frequently AND most importantly i have a lot of ideas so stay tuned for new works,,,, eye emoji


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unbeta'd ofc

Nothing special happened these past few days, Felix and Changbin kept seeing each other after school and going on this small and totally-not-exclusive-dates-that-are-just-casual-hangouts or so what they called it since Changbin was not that ready to be exclusive to the public eye or risk seeing his dad. And Felix, well Felix took it well. He knew that he could wait for Changbin, after all it was easy coming out to your family or dad more precisely in a country like this, in a country where gay relationship were sexualized because idols were ‘’too close’’. 

 

Felix was impatiently patient - even though it doesn’t make sense, he could wait for his boo to come out but he couldn’t survive that long without any skinship. So whenever he had a chance he would hold Changbin’s hand or give him a quick peck on his cheek. He loved doing that. Changbin always got so flustered and awkward, but his cute shy smile would quickly appear.

 

And of course, Changbin’s best wing(wo)man, his mother, always came through. Every morning she would text Changbin when his dad would leave the apartment, so he could properly show his affections towards Felix. One afternoon, when Felix left their house, kindly saying his goodbyes with her, she sat next to Changbin on the couch and started soft ranting about how much she loved Felix. She couldn’t believe that such an angel existed and how both her and her son were lucky enough to know him - Changbin came to a conclusion that she is more excited about their relationship than the two of them. 

 

That same day, Felix was sitting in his boyfriend’s lap while talking to his mom about piercings. Changbin’s mom didn’t like her son’s at first, but got used to it after some time. However she loved Felix’s piercings, they enhanced his look and made it more dramatic and beautiful. More importantly though, she gave them a valuable piece of information. After all the ‘’investigation’’ that was actually her praising the gay community and asking her husband’s opinion, she came to a conclusion that it was safe for them to be really out there, in public, or like in public in front of Changbin’s dad. 

 

Hearing that, Changbin felt surprisingly devastated. He was happy he could love and kiss, oh my god, he could smooch the heck out of Felix’s lips in front of anyone, but Felix wouldn’t be his hidden gem anymore. It was rather a very weird feeling. Shouldn’t he be excited that he can be himself, or was he falling down the inner-homophobic path once again? Felix sensed it and asked Mrs. Seo if they could leave her and be alone in Changbin’s bedroom. 

 

‘’ Be careful, sweeties, I don’t want to become a grandma just yet!’’ she exclaimed.

‘’ Um, mom, it doesn’t work that way…’’ He sighed. He felt his hand being taken. ‘’ Don’t worry Mrs. Seo, I’m not ready to be a father just yet.’’ Felix giggled, playing along with her and his cheeky smile lightning up the room. Changbin was totally not feeling the joke.

 

As they entered the room and the door clicked because they were closed. Felix sat on the bed, sighing. ‘’Changbin, do you even want to come out?’’ He looked up, catching older’s tense gaze. ‘’Do you want us to be together? Because right now, judging by your reaction, you don’t see happy or nearly as excited as you should be.’’ A silence fell, totally not helping out this situation. The air got all stuffy and heavy or maybe it was just Changbin finding it hard to catch a breath. ‘’ Was I some kind of amusement? A toy? An experiment? Because I was, you, Seo Changbin, are a fucking jerk.’’ Even more silence. Felix was not having it, at all. 

 

Changbin looked at the boy in front of him. He really looked at him, almost engraving his stare in him. Firstly, he looked at the boy’s face. It was beautiful, gorgeous as a matter of fact. The tan was going well with his eyes. And speaking of his eyes, the dark brown circles with a shine in them showing the love he felt for Changbin, but also a tint of pain and anger because he didn’t know what would happen between the two of them. Changbin thought of Felix’s eyes and how small wrinkles appeared around them when he smiled or laughed. Or the hunger they showed before their very first kiss. Then his nose. Oh god, his small freckled nose. Changbin always felt the urge to boop it or give it a light kiss and when he did the younger would giggle, saying it tickled him. But then he looked at Felix’s lips, they were in a heart shape and red. Changbin liked smooching them. He liked how they looked after a makeout session, how bruised and plump they looked.

 

It made him think. Was he really such an idiot to let this little angel that cared for him too, go? He let go of the drawer he was leaning on all this time and went up to his boyfriend. Crouching he took Felix’s hands and tried looking at his eyes. 

 

‘’Felix, don’t be a dumb fuck, because if you’re gonna be a dumb fuck you’re gonna be MY dumb fuck. Understood? I’m not letting you go okay? Because if I let this amazing boy that is caring, kind, precious, spectacular and his beauty overshadowing the most beautiful thing, go then I would be a dumb fuck.’’ Felix looked up laughing. ‘’ I swear to god, this was so bad and cheesy, I think we should break up. I don’t want people to know that my boyfriend is cheesier than stupid wattpad fics between One Direction members.’’

 

Changbin scoffed, but placing his hand on Felix’s cheeks, cupping them. Slowly, he got closer and closer, taking a deep breath before kissing his boyfriend. Both of them smiled through that peck.

  
  


_ Few months later _

 

Changbin slowly opened his eyes, everything was still very much blurry. He could feel the AC working and chilling him but it wasn’t doing that job very well, the boy in his arms was too warm. Felix and him had been together for months now. Actually their one year anniversary was soon. 

 

He took his phone to check the time, but ended up being overwhelmed with loads of messages. Changbin was so confused, especially because he got texts from Felix at midnight even though they went to bed together. Reading them he felt emotional, his boyfriend sent him birthday wishes, loads and loads of birthday wishes. 

 

He had totally forgotten about his birthday. Unable to scream from happiness he kissed Felix, every part of his face. He kissed his forehead, left eye, right eye, nose, left cheek, right cheek, lips, chin but as he got to the neck the boy in his arm started wiggling around.

‘’It’s tickling me, Binnie.’’ His morning voice was still very much raspy. Felix rubbed his eyes before opening them. He turned around facing his boyfriend. ‘’I hope you liked my messages, birthday boy,’’, he took a breath before continuing, ‘’happy birthday, my love.’’ Changbin looked at him with the biggest smile ever, their arms and legs were all mixed up, but that didn’t matter - what mattered is them, at that exact moment, smiling and having that good morning kiss they always had. If you had asked Changbin few months ago, he would’ve never guessed that in 8 months’ time he would still be in a happy and healthy relationship with Felix, his Felix. 

 

And forever, as long they were together, Changbin will always be grateful for his boyfriend’s horrible fashion sense, 3rd Eye and his own braveness because if he had never went up to him, he would’ve never met the love of his life, his little sunshine, his Lixxie. 

 

‘’Thank you Felix.’’ Changbin said softly, barely audible. ‘’For what, Binnie?’’

 

_ ‘’ Thank you Felix for making me realize who I am and always being right here next to me. I love you baby.’’  _

 

_ ‘’I love you too, Binnie.’’ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end everyone. I hope you enjoy they story and that I didn't let you down.  
> I've worked on this since April and after so many months, here I am with the last part published. This story means I lot to me because it's the first thing I ever wrote and uploaded on the internet. I have also discovered what my writing style is.
> 
> I wanna thank everyone who had been reading this, leaving kudos and comments. It means so much to me. And a special thanks to WNS - thank you for bearing with all of my ideas and me while I was writing this story.
> 
> I already have few ideas for my next story, but I don't know when I will be able to write it. Hopefully, you will support and love it like you did this story. Again, thank you so much for this journey and if you want to cry or leave any criticism (which is very much appreciated), do not hesitate to go to my twitter account (@/dabbingmosquito) and say what you thought on my curious cat!
> 
> Yours truly,  
> Jovana <3

**Author's Note:**

> oh yeah first few chapters are also shit bc i was experimenting a bit but the rest are good enough  
> don't forget to check my other work and if you want follow me on tw @dabbingmosquito


End file.
